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Remember the other day when I mentioned the ass-swallowing plug fail?  You know, after I mentioned the Turbo Stroker, ass sex thing that had most of you thinking I was getting a Turbo Stroker up my ass but I was really getting Taylor’s not-so-stimulated-by-the-Turbo-Stroker dick up my ass.  Well, the ass plug swallowing incident was actually before that but I mentioned it after and then never really went into detail.  I’m still not going to give you the gory details about how I rescued my pride and the plug from a dark, horrible journey but I will tell you a bit about the plug.

I’ve been wanting one of the Aluminum Mini plugs for awhile.  I’ve read some less than good reviews; folks who find the jewel to be gaudy, childish and ugly as well as folks who dislike the pokey, pointy-ness of it.   But, yanno, I think the jewel is kind of cute.  And to avoid the pokey, pointy problem I got the three inch version instead of the four.  How pokey can three little inches be, after all?

So I put it on my request list from Sextoy.com.  And I stuck it in my ass the very day I got it.  Hell, it was in my ass within a half hour of opening the package.

Speaking of the package…

California Exotics got it halfway right.

It could have been gorgeous and elegant and something I was pleased to store my toy in.   Could have been, had they not ruined it all with the flimsy, plastic, hideously printed cover.

The inside of the black box has a very pretty, black satin liner that surrounds the toy and presents it beautifully.  It has a recessed area that the Mini sits in perfectly.  A black – or even plain, unprinted plastic – cover would have made this box comparable with Luxotiq or LELO.  The garishly printed version it comes with, however, just makes me want to cry.

It’s also a pain in the ass to remove.  I don’t know why but I struggle to pull it off every time I try.

The plug itself is nice.  It’s a polished aluminum so it’s shiny and smooth and though you can see tool marks along it’s surface, you can’t feel them at all.  It’s surprisingly heavy for aluminum.  I expected it to be light like an empty soda can but it’s got a nice weight to it, especially for it’s size.

The Mini is a whopping 3.75 inches long (3 inches insertable) with a 1.25 inch diameter so it lives up to it’s name.

It’s about the length of my finger and definitely a very manageable size that should have been terrific for long term wear.

Plus it has that cute purple “gem” in the base which totally appealed to my inner girly diva.  Sure, it’s fake and it looks fake but it’s cute, damn it.

The base is round but small enough it shouldn’t cause discomfort.  In fact it didn’t cause any discomfort in the three or so hours I had it wedged in my ass.

But this is where the problems rear their ugly heads…

The plug starts out slightly pointy – which along with it’s small size, makes insertion a breeze. The Mini bulges out then tapers back down to a small neck for your ass to close around.  I used very little lube and was comfortable both upon insertion  — which provided a very small stretch — and with a couple hours wear  — which provided a nice feeling of being slightly full as well as a wonderful but not too heavy weightiness.  However.  And this is a biggie.  The neck of the toy then tapers back out to meet the base rather than being a straight shaft that ends in a round base.  The base itself is no larger than the diameter of the toy.

So.  After a couple hours wear I decided I needed a bit more lube.  Things were getting dry and starting to feel like they might chafe soon.  So I removed the plug, washed it, added some lube and went to reinsert it.

And it damned near snuck completely inside my ass.

After a couple hours use my ass was relaxed.  It was chill. It was happy to have stuff in it.  And with the extra lube, the taper leading to the base and the small base itself, my ass decided the base was not substantially enough bigger than the rest of the plug and nearly swallowed it.

Now perhaps I have a ginormous ass.  Perhaps I’m gaped like the Grand Canyon.  I’m definitely used to more girth than this as Taylor’s dick is quite a bit thicker than this petite toy.  But I have a couple small plugs and I’ve never, ever had this issue before.  If my ass clenching/bearing down reflexes hadn’t been so quick I would probably have ended up with a trip to the ER to have a laughing technician remove this jeweled anal toy from my ass.  Which, yanno, would have sucked donkey dick since I’ve WORKED in the local ER and they KNOW me.

Back on topic…

The base and shaft on this toy is not designed well.

The pokey/pointiness didn’t bother me.  The jewel is cute.  The size is nice.  It’s comfortable for long term wear.

It’s just not fucking safe with that tiny base and tapered shaft.

And that, my friends, sucks ass.  Because if it hadn’t been for that, this would have been my new favorite ass toy.

I haz a sad.  I really, really wanted a pretty, jeweled, metal ass plug to twinkle away as it gave me pleasure.  Instead, I got something that could have been great – from the packaging to the plug itself, everything was “almost” really good – and that I’m now afraid to ever use again.

In case you’re risky like that  – or you have a very tight ass that never gets relaxed with anal play — and want to order an Aluminum Mini anyhow you can click the link and order away. If you’re not up to a trip to the ER or you have a Grand Canyoneque ass like me, try a different ass toy.