Yanno…
I had a blog post half typed out and I just deleted it.
I got nothing really to say.
My kid has completely fucked up his second semester of school. He’s a good kid. He’s just not all that fucking smart. In fact, he struggles with school and always has. Unfortunately, this year he got so behind I can’t even help him and I feel like shit for not noticing it sooner, for not figuring out a way to help him four months ago. For letting him struggle and show his indwhen he said he could fix it himself
On top of that he pulled a typical teenage stunt and sent/received a total of 304 text messages on his cell phone in the past two months – and we DON”T have a text plan.
And while I know raising teenagers is a struggle and I’m quite lucky these are the only problems I have…
I’m just down today. About myself, about him, about life in general.
And blogging about it doesn’t help anyone.
I’m gonna go dig in my garden for a bit.
I’ve had the Njoy Eleven for over a month – probably closer to two – and I’m completely and totally past due on this review and yet, for some reason, I’m really struggling with writing it. How do you describe something as amazing as this sex toy? How do you find the words to describe [...]
Would it be ridiculous to simply type “Oh. My. Gods.” over and over as a review? Probably. And yet, when I look at the Intrigue – the P-spot and handle on Eden Fantasys — it’s about all I can think. Just looking at it takes away most of my powers of speech, completely vanishes any [...]
15 comments to “A case of the sads”
As awful as it all seems right now, there’s plenty of time for him to turn things around. He’s a hard worker, so props to him for that; will the school let him make everything up via summer school? A lot of kids actually prefer summer school because the atmosphere is more relaxed and there are fewer people attending, hence, less pressure.
As for the text messages…yeah, my sister runs our phone bill over constantly with her goddamn iPhone. All I can say to that is that phone companies suck ass.
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Blogging helps me. I wish you the best with this. It seems hard. You seem like a good person. I think you’ll be good for him, school or not. Just so you know, conformity with bullshit demands from school doesn’t demand intelligence.
Maybe he’s too smart for school. That was my plight. I made it eventually. I had slave drivers to push me. I hope you “get” him for who he is. He may just be a good young guy who needs direction. Ah hell. I’ll be buck nekkid here in a few minutes.
If I had someone who picked up on me early, I would have been a ton happier. You already said you have “snooty” relatives, or something like that. I get that a lot. I hope your son gets the full you. I think YOU might get him better than society would get him. A difficult son is what I know. I was one.
I hope this difficult one gets what I never did. I “made it” on a lark. With a little direction, I would be a different guy today. OK, I’m heading in circles. Anyway, I hope this young guy gets a shove in the right direction.
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Wow, Carrie, that’s rough. But you kinda like to trust your kids and if they say they have it you want to believe them. That’s normal.
As for the texts… have you thought about getting him a prepaid phone? Over here we have Boost Mobile (Do you guys have them?) and it’s $50 for the phone and $50/mo unlimited everything. Chirp, text, IM, phone, internet access if you get an internet accessible phone, etc.
I have Net 10, which isn’t as bad as everyone says. It’s 10 cents a minute for calls and half a minute for text, which is hella better than any of the Pay as You Go phones (Cingular, T-Mobile, etc.). Most of those places charge you a dollar for every day you use your phone on top of whatever minutes they deduct. M usually buys me 300 minutes and tells me to make them last. So I use His phone. Lol.
But that way, you could give him so many minutes a month. And my parents, with my sister, would base her minutes on her grades. Matter of fact, I seem to remember there being a cell company that had a program for that but hell if i can remember which one it was.
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Maybe you could add text messages to your plan. Negotiate with a CSR and it might be retroactive.
Please don’t be discouraged about school. It’s just one semester. Maybe he needs to be placed in different classes so that he can succeed without straining so much.
Keep your chin up!
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That’s exactly what we’re doing. I told The Teen that either I block text messaging completely from the phones instead of having pay per use like we used to or I add a package and he pays for it (or part of it).
I don’t text and neither does Taylor so there’s no way we’re going to provide him with a luxury behind the phone, especially with his grades as they are, but if he’s willing to work to pay for the plan itself, I’m willing to help a bit.
Hope you can resolve the phone and school things…you’ve written to many nice things about him for me to not think he’s a good kid!
Sometimes I think they spend way too much time teaching for the tests now and far too little actually making sure the kids “get it” since “no child left behind” came into being. All you have to miss is one “step” along the way and none of the rest make sense…
I don’t know if Sylvan is an answer where you are; my sister had good luck with them and my older nephew. Or maybe someone home from college for the summer than might like to tutor him? There has to be a way to get him through this!
Thinking of all of you…
alan
alan’s last blog post..Bankruptcy papers…
I don’t know if this helps, but I flunked the 2nd semester of my junior year English class in high school!
I think you are absolutely on the right track, letting him decide if text will be blocked or if he wants to pay for a text plan himself. You are also right that these problems are relatively small and yanno, you kind of need to have problems as a teen (teeny ones hopefully). These kinds of things are bound to come up in everyone’s life sooner or later. Better for him to learn life’s lessons when you are around to guide him through.
Hang in there, the happies will return soon.
Laurel
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No summer school, which sucks ass. We’re actually going to look into Sylvan, I think. He needs help learning how to learn, if that makes sense. He’s so unlike me in that, it makes it almost impossible for me to teach him or help him without both of us becoming frustrated so I think we’re going to let the professionals give him the tools he needs so we’re ALL less stressed.
And, yeah, phone companies do suck ass. Stinky ass.
Thanks for the nice thoughts. I really am lucky that his issues are small ones and he’s comfortable coming to me with them.
As they say…
This too shall pass. right?
We’ve already got a contract for all our phones thru AT&T, it’s just a matter of adding a text plan. Which we’re going to do and he’s going to pay for it with his grass cutting money!
We tried prepaid and… it just didn’t work. Teens have NO self control.
Thank you, Alan. :) We’re actually looking into Sylvan. I think it’s our best bet, all around.
Yeah. I failed Geometry. Twice. So I can’t get on him too badly, it happens to most of us. I just had a bad, depressed moment when everything hit at once. We’ve spent most of the day talking and, as usual, his basic goodness shines thru and we’re figuring out how to work it all out.
I (heart) you. You know that, right?
(Funny, my blog title today was possibly going to be “I Haz A Sad” but now you’ve beaten me to it. :))
My son did not do well in school at all, he actually dropped out senior year since it was clear he would not have enough credits to graduate and he got his GED. He briefly went to college after that, but he just wasn’t interested.
He’s one of the brightest people we know today; it was never about how smart he is. He can speak very knowledgeably on various scientific, philosophical and technical topics, sometimes even beyond Dan’s knowledge and Dan knows *everything* (well, almost, lol).
But he had to want to learn himself. We had him tutored and it helped but we were unable to afford continuing the tutoring. I wish now we had given up other things and kept the tutoring.
He refused to read until he was around 7 or 8. He had no problem with being read to, just flat out refused to do it. Until I found a book series (Tin-Tin) he enjoyed and I told him after the first book I wouldn’t be reading to him anymore. Within weeks he was reading on a level beyond the average for his age and ended up going to the library all the time.
Even wrote his own sci-fi book in collaboration with another student in JH.
But his grades universally sucked. He would get an “A” when interested in the topic and D’s when he wasn’t. Even F’s.
It’s true when they say some kids are very bright and just extremely bored with the way most schools are run. I still remember how keenly interested Ray was when he heard they would be covering Greek philosophers in his high school English or History class. But when they got to that part, they just said, “Greek philosophers like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle lived in BC era and had a profound influence on Western Civilization” blah blah.
And that was it. Like a page and a half of dates and how to spell their names. Nothing about their ideas or why they had an influence on the world. He was so furious when he came home, he threw his books across the room. He kinda gave up after that; he became very cynical. And I was so busy with my new career at that time, I wasn’t helpful enough. His dad was out of the picture from travel for his job and lack of interest. I would get after him about his grades but I didn’t have time to babysit his homework. Nobody helped me with my homework; I always did it myself and I just assumed it was still like that.
Well it’s not. Unfortunately.
Anyway, please don’t beat yourself up. I like the idea of tutoring; have you thought about looking on Craig’s list or the newspaper want ads or calling your local JC or college for a tutor to come to your home? There are always students looking for work or mom’s with teaching degrees looking for something on the side. That might be cheaper and actually Ray did better with one-on-one on a laid-back personal level than he did in the Sylvan setting. Just a thought.
He’ll be fine in the end, however it goes and you are a good mom; teenagers are just damn hard. No way around it. If he were getting good grades, there’d be something else driving you nuts, that’s just the way it goes. :)
{{{{{Hugs}}}}} Hang in there, you’re doin’ good. :)
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carrieann…my girls excelled in school and my son struggled all through high school. He graduated just before his 19th birthday and then started junior college. He failed 2 out of 3 general education type of courses not because he couldnt pass but because he was bored to tears and didn’t apply himself. He ended up on academic probation then it dawned on us that he needed to focus on something he enjoyed – art – so he is 4 classes from finishing a vo tech type of program at the junior college which is the same as an AA degree and he is 22 – will he go to a 4 year school? not anytime real soon but he will be able to get a job in a field he enjoys and make enough money to support himself. That’s what matters most and his self esteem is much higher now as well. Hang in there
Awww thats hard. I worry about mine and how he will do. So far so good but I have a long way to go yet. Some kids just are not cut out for the standard schooling system, some learn through practical stuff rather than the educational route.
I’m not sure how the schooling system works there but we have training courses that cover trades like engineering, building and IT industry specific training schemes for kids that don’t so so well at school. It gets them into a trade and practical qualifications under their belt and helps boost that self esteem and helps them to feel like they can and will get somewhere. Good luck with it chicka, at least he can come to you and talk to you about it. That’s a bonus for sure. x
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