Blah to the blah dee dah
Holy shit, I have had a busy week. From a busy weekend – other than Sit-Around-Sunday – right into a busy week.
Work has gotten more intense as I take on a few extra responsibilities – not that I’m complaining! I have a dream jobby sort of thing! But it’s left me with little time to babble here.
Today, once I”m finished, I think we’re going to the Zoo. Going to take a few hours out of the day and get away from this desk and go look at lions and tigers and bears. And giraffes. I like giraffes.
And I want to ride the train. Not the zoomobile, tram thing but the actual little train.
I’d like to fuck on the train but, yanno, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. :( Damned public places loaded with kids.
What else? Not much. Life is still cruisin’ along, same ol’, same ol’.
It’s weird, though. Things happen. Like me talking to Taylor about working more hours and taking on a couple projects and making sure it’s ok. And, again, it all seems normal to me. Five years ago, that would have felt uber submissive. Oh my gods, asking my man if I can work more! Now? Normal. It didn’t even give me a tiny twinge.
I think if he’d said “NO!” it may have. But, really, saying no would be foolish and he’s not that; he’s certainly not going to say no just to make me feel more submissive or him dominant.
Thing is… I don’t really miss the twinges most times. I’m really, honestly, truly ok with the way things are.
And that is weird cuz I never thought I’d get here. I thought I’d forever be mourning the fact that hair pulling, leashes and collars, cracks to the face and eating from bowls isn’t a part of my daily existance. Forever mourning all those “look, he’s dominating me!” things.
Not that I don’t sometimes mourn them. Or that I don’t sometimes get them. But I’ve found a balance where I don’t need them to feel submissive and happy, don’t need to … hmmm… prove anything to myself?
I’m rambling.
Crazy Teen is going with his dad this weekend. His dad is in California so he flies out three, four times a year and it’s that time. They’re going up north to see the new cousin/niece so Taylor and I will have the whole weekend to ourselves again. And the weather looks good. I’m either going to learn to ride that fucking bike or we’re going to hop on his and bliss out on a long ass toodle over some country roads.
And there’s the bossman in my skype.
Gotta run!
You’re the second blogger I’ve read today discussing the topic of how being sub or pick-yer-word is not about the protocol but just *being* it. And how once the protocol was so important to us that we thought the jumping through hoops part was the appeal. Until we find out it really wasn’t about that after all.
Not that the extra glitteries are not fun; they are. But they are not the heart of it.
Very interesting. I’m still chewing on it. :)
.-= Amber´s last blog ..The Golden Calf =-.
Balance is good. I understand the ‘mourning’ feel, but those twinges are awfully nice when you get zapped into “whoa, where did THAT come from?” But then again, you’ve been doing this much longer & know what to expect with the hills, valleys & plateaus. It appears that you are just happy with your life. ;)
Awesomesauce about your dream jobbie! Sounds like you are enjoying it. It’s a great feeling when you love what you do.
My youngest just left for g’ma’s for overnight, now I need to ditch the girl teen…but she doesn’t really have anywhere to go. lol. And then I’d need to pry J. away from his computer & I’ve not figured out how to do that yet…and he’s ignoring all my so-subtle-attempts at flirting. lol.
Either way, it sounds like a fun weekend. Road trip!!
.-= Eliot´s last blog ..Tie HNT 2.0 =-.
This is what I’ve always admired about you and Taylor. I love the fact that you are grounded in reality and don’t spend much time on the contrived theatricals of protocol. When you do things that would be defined as protocols or outward acts of domination and such it just seems natural and real to me.
I think that’s why I often bristle as the use of “master” and “this girl” and other such typical BDSM language. It seems forced (Not all the time or with everyone, mind you, but often).
I like your way. It’s more real to me than most of what I see.
(And the rest of you are absolutely entitled to do what makes you happy of course. I’m not suggesting anyone change their behavior to please me, so no hate mail, please.)
.-= Laurel´s last blog ..What should I do with my life? =-.
I am glad you posted on this topic. I am struggling with the fact that I do still miss the bold displays of dominance. I wish I didn’t, but I do. It gives me hope to read this and see that someday I may be okay without it.
.-= brooke´s last blog ..America’s Next Top Slut =-.
I swing violenting from feeling absolutely okay about not feeling the twinges (and in fact, prefering not to have them) to feeling ‘wtf am I doing if it’s not about the twinges??’
For me, I’m much better if there is absolutely nothing as opposed to a little bit here and there. It makes it easier to ‘forget’ and I don’t have to go through the withdrawal thing every time.
Strange, isn’t it?
.-= subtle´s last blog ..Proving yourself =-.
Nah. I get that way sometimes too. It’s all phases and ebb and flow.
Next week I’ll probably be bitching cuz he hasn’t pulled my hair or hurt me in awhile and I’ll be determined that it’s all his fault and he sucks. Heh.