And so I sit here, so much to say, afraid to say it. Continually sanitizing my life, my thoughts and my opinions in the interest of being… nice. Professional.

Blergh.

It sucks ass. It’s sapping the spirit and personality right out of me. I? Am boring.

So I’m cruisin’ around Fetlife, right? (And, whoa, I just realized like most of my ranty posts start that way. I wonder if Fetlife ever feels used?)

I came to the place where all this works for me by doing a lot of soul searching and introspection, by trial and error and, in the end, by making a conscious and deliberate choice.

Can I bitch about people again today? Please? I’m still sick — sicker, actually — and everyone is aggravating me.

So life around here is normal.  It’s been normal and good with few bumps other than the normal ones caused by a submissive housemouse picking up a job for a good, long time.
It’s been, what?  A year?  Since I had angst?
Ack.
I need angst!
Actually, I do have stuff I angst over.  It’s just repetitive to post [...]

So I’m cruising around FetLife this morning and I’m all blinking at my monitor, making gaping fish faces and pretty much sitting here slack jawed.
Holy hell.
There are a whole lot of people I like on Fet but, for the most part, it’s become a cesspit of retardation.
I read no less than ten posts in my [...]

So I log in to FetLife today – which I no longer do each and every day cuz I’m flippin’ busy, man – and the first things I see on my front page?
“People who think dog rape is a-ok” and “Another day, another shoot at Kink”.
Wandering over to my groups I found “Is slave a [...]

Headspace.  Remembering your place. Blah blah blah.  Yet another topic I’ve grown weary of.  (So, yes, I talk about it more.  How much sense does that make?)
I think I used to put a lot of importance on the little things, the direct dominance type stuff that would put me in the proper headspace to do [...]

So, if you follow kaya around on Fetlife you’re bound to come across some of the funniest and snarkiest and gobsmacking-ist topics. Which, of course, make the best blog fodder.
Today I came across one dealing with rules; Masters rules vs community/group rules and which rules take precedence.
And I’m all…
Duh.
Why the fuck would I be involved [...]

So.  FetLife.  Again, it has me pondering.  I may not participate there much but, I swear to gods, whenever I visit I end up with a blog post.
Lately there have been some discussions about who comes first; child, master or self.
And I’m kind of floored at the responses.
I mean, first of all, the woman who [...]

I did a post not so long ago about attention seeking behavior.
I have issues with attention seeking behavior.
Serious issues. Like… it makes me want to drive a fondue fork into my eye, run shrieking thru the streets and bleed all over the person doing it; cover them in eyeball juice then smack them in the [...]

Every time I see a discussion titled slave vs submissive, I damned near get lock jaw from clenching my teeth so hard.
I am not about to get into the debate regarding what the difference is.  As far as I’m concerned, there freakin’ isn’t one.  Not in the way most folks mean when they talk about [...]

 
Yeah, I got some.  In fact, I slept until nearly one in the afternoon today.  But why, you may ask, when I went to bed at like….  oh…  NINE last night?
 
In a word — Taylor.
See, I’m out of ambien.  This is a huge bummer because I’m a chronic insomniac (and have been most of my [...]

How do you all feel about gossip and rumors and the whole “black list”, warning people about others, thing?
I’ve always been kind of on the fence until I recently had some gossip about Taylor kind of blow up in my face.
I’m not going to deny I gossip as much as the next person.  I try [...]

Attention.
We all want some sometimes.
Some of us want more than others.
You know the type.  Attention whores.  
Everything they do is done to garner attention.
It’s another thing I just don’t get.
Now I’m not going to say I never look for attention.  We all do.
Blogging itself is an attention seeking behavior.  We put our lives, our pictures, [...]

So I just ranted about this less than two months ago but I feel the need to revisit.
Insult.  Injury. Offense.
Stop it already!
Is it because we are so connected to so many people over the internet?  Because we converse with people we’d never meet at all in our daily lives?  Because we read so much, from so [...]

So I’m sitting here and Taylor left the t.v. on when he went in the basement.  I never have the t.v. on during the day.  It irritates me.  But anyhow…
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart comes on.  I’m not really paying any attention to the t.v. cuz my desk doesn’t face it and it wasn’t me [...]

Bunch of hooplah over on FetLife.  What’s new, right?  
I’m extremely stressed out over the constant slavier-than-thou bullshit I see all over the place.
I’m not a fucking slave, god damn it.  I don’t have to behave the way you do, the way the folks in Laura Antoniou’s books do or the way Master Meatmeister said a [...]

“In my relationship there is none of this needing to tingle stuff.  There is no throwing of ashtrays.  I obey happily and suffer gladly.  I learn from mistakes and so does he and then we stop making mistakes and live together in un-ambiguous, perfectly communicating harmony!”
Well.  Maybe not those exact words but that exact implication.
Cuz, yanno, [...]

I’m such a hermit lately!
I haven’t checked FetLife in at least a week.
So I peek in today and find yet another new group for daddy doms and their baby girls.  That makes more than twenty.
Wouldn’t you think they’d find each other better in one group than twenty?
*blink*
And then there’s another thread about how so many [...]

This morning found me screaming, screeching, whining and crying at Taylor about how tired I am of nobody giving a shit about me.
I sounded like a teenage drama queen.
I don’t know if it’s cuz I’m sick and have been varying degrees of sick for two weeks and have been taking care of a sick household [...]

I’ve been ranting for years about the safety police when it comes to BDSM.  I’ve long been a proponent of being aware of the risk and making your own decisions; of not sticking your nose in and telling other people what they “must” do in order to be safe.
I’m really starting to get aggravated by the safety [...]

I don’t get it.  Folks seem to jump up and get insulted at the stupidest things these days!
Everywhere I turn people are doing it.  You have to walk on egg shells all the time if you don’t want a bunch of drama because someone is sure to take offense if you aren’t excessively careful how [...]

Ever notice that when you tell someone something they don’t want to hear they automatically assume you’re being defensive or mean, that you’re upset or trying to be condescending?
I don’t get it.
Though I wonder if I react that way, too.
I don’t think so.  I like to think that if someone is just blunt and logical [...]

Yanno how folks say, all the time, that they’ve been “doing this” for such and such amount of time and they have this much experience and were trained, way back when, by an old guard so and so?
I’ve decided I do have the right to ask them to prove it.
Now I understand that not everyone [...]