Courage…

September 2, 2005 By In BDSM No Comment


“It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before… to test your limits… to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
~Anais Nin

Courage…
For all my strength I think I often lack courage.

So many things I’d like to be able to do…
For myself.
For Taylor.
And I so often find myself balking, terrified, unable to come out of that tight little bud of security in who I am in order to blossom into what I could be.

Fear of what I might become? Of losing what I have? Of change?

The battle between wanting to be good enough just as I am versus knowing, deep down, that we can all be better, that no one can be all things?

The battle between wanting to NOT do uncomfortable things and wanting to do anything to please the one you love most is hardest for me. What if it’s terrible and, doing it once, I’ve ensured I have to do it over and over and over. Will my misery in it be my undoing? Or will I adjust, learn not to fear, learn to enjoy?

Will I blossom? Or curl up and die like the beautiful bud picked too soon?

Uncertainty reigns….

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