I’ve discovered that not getting enough sleep, getting interrupted sleep or even thinking I’m not going to get enough sleep is enough to turn me into a demon.
I lash out while I’m sleeping at any touch, the slightest elbow jab, a pillow stuffed over on my side of the bed that doesn’t belong there, the t.v. being on too loud…
It’s not pretty. And I’m tired of doing it. It doesn’t exactly breed intimacy.
I just don’t know how to stop.
First of all, I’m just angry with Taylor in general over it. He comes to bed much later than I do, lately. I get up at seven, seven thirty and I usually head to bed around midnight. I tend to fall asleep around one. He comes in sometime between one and four and never fails to wake me up. Or keep me up if I haven’t fallen asleep yet. He flops. He twists. He turns. He cranks up the t.v. He turns my fan down. He munches on chips. He doesn’t bother to take the dogs out before he comes so that an hour later they’re whimpering to go out and he’s fast asleep and doesn’t hear it and I have to get up and deal with them.
I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, know he doesn’t do it as some sort of evil, intentional plot to drive me to violence and insanity, but it sure feels like it at the moment. And it feels like a total lack of respect and concern and care. Which leaves me not only mad but with hurt feelings, too.
And so I lash out. I snip and snap and bitch and go so red in the face I look like a tomato. I stomp around. I yell at him. I dig my elbows into him to show him how great it feels and throw his damned pillows on the floor if they end up on “my” side of the bed.
*sigh*
It’s pathetic.
Sure, he could be less of a cock about it. But, in reality, it’s my own sleep issues that are the issue.
I’ve always had a hard time falling asleep. I’ve always had a hard time staying asleep/sleeping soundly. I take Ambien but I think it’s becoming less effective. My thyroid issues leave me drenched in sweat half the time in the middle of the night, which makes sleeping uncomfortable and almost impossible. (Thank gods I have an appointment next week to try to get shit under control)
So, really, unless Taylor tippy toed around, pretty much anything he does is going to wake me up. (He could, however, stop standing in the doorway saying “Are you awake?” five minutes after I’ve actually fallen asleep, waking me up by startling the living fuck out of me so my heart pounds for a fucking hour. That he could do) It’s pretty much not his fault, not his problem.
And I need to stop acting like a fucking shrew. I’m crabby all night, crabby when I wake up, crabby when I decide to go to bed, anticipating problems.
I’m fucking tired of being crabby!
I need to start doing yoga again.
Something.
Cuz if I’m finding myself hard to live with? Chances are he’s ready to shoot me with his blowgun.
(I am buying him some wireless headphones or something, though. The t.v. thing has always made me infuckingsane. Why do men need everything at top volume, all the time???????????????)
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I drink a lot of coffee, ride a motorcycle, have an 18 year old son and a decade long relationship that began in a chat room.
Because they are poopheads. *nods*
The answer to any question that starts “Why do men…” is “Because they are poopheads.”
Unless it’s a “Why do men do this totally awesome thing for us?” type question. And then the answer is “Because they love us.” *nods*
And I’m totally kidding about men being poopheads… sort of.
.-= Melen’s Rayne´s last blog ..SJP#112: Female Teacher =-.
LMAO–”because they’re poopheads” Yep, yep, yep! I love you Rayne.
You’re going to be crankypants until you get your rest & your body adjusts…until then–do you have a sound-proofed closet you can convert to hold a bed?
Sound is what triggers some of my anxiety attacks. TV or Kids or Shopping Places–tend to set me on edge & make me want to lock myself in a closet. Headphones are a GREAT idea. Find some comfy ones!
I never understood why the tv has to be THISFUCKINGLOUD. I can’t even tell you how many times I wanted to throw a brick thru it when I was with the jackass ex-husband. Omg, he was DEEF. And heaven forbid if you WALKED thru the room because you had to pee, you RUINED his 7 hour Tv Watching Experience.
I’m so much more calm now. Sigh. And I’ve got the whole bed to myself since Monday.
(I started a blog finally, but I’m not going to reveal it until I actually have something to say) And a name change because I’m skeered of stalkers & loonies finding out where I live.
Ever tried kicking him out for a few nights? Not out of the house but to the couch where he can have the t.v. at any volume he wants (volume = trying to drown out anytime we talk to them = now they are just use to it) Perhaps you could get a few good nights sleep and kill the crab at the same time.
.-= ToyWithMe´s last blog ..The Elegant Cock Ring – LELO BO =-.
Gah…I so feel you on this. Due to hormonal/chemical/stress crap – I’ve started having serious sleep issues over the last few years. Now, I’m such a light sleeper that ANYTHING wakes me up, unless I’m exhausted from not having slept well for a few nights. Master SNORES – on top of us having opposite sleep schedules most of the time. So, if he goes to bed first, I know that there’s no way I’m going to be able to go to sleep. (lots of couch sleeping for *me*) Or-or-or….he stays up, in the living room while I go to bed, except that he listens to podcasts on his computer so all I hear is the droning of talk show hosts all night. I *rarely* get perfect and complete silence to sleep. :( and I get real crabby too.
Hope you figure something out! It sucks.
wow, this is just weird.
gotta be a male gene-thing – you know the TV fucking thing – the LOUD tv fucking thing. Given a choice, truly, I probably wouldn’t own one. I despise TV at any time, but when I’m tired an cranky I want to launch his head through it after twisting it off his neck.
Second, the waking thing.
I totally think you have a right to be pissed – becuase D. does the SAME thing. I get up at 3:15 a.m. – yup, that’s VERY EARLY MORNING to make it palatable – middle of the goddam night in reality. I got to bed around 10 or 11, take Valarian to help me sleep (herbal supplement, rocks). With him it is the coming to bed several hours later (becuase he is an insominac to begin with and because SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE TEACHERS HAVE THE WHOLE BLOODY SUMMER OFF UNLIKE THOSE OF US WHO WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK ALL YEAR).
then he wants sex. a couple of hours AFTER I fall asleep and an hour or a little more BEFORE I actually have to get UP … GRRR.
We just had a conversation about selfishness this week!
I like “poopheads’ … works for me… as does my daughter’s “stupid head”…
It’s like you took this post right out of my head. That’s exactly how I often feel.
Hugs, I know what it’s like and how much it suck.
Oh, sleep is a very contentious man/woman issue and we all know men are deaf poopheads.
I have my own bedroom because there is NO WAY I could sleep in the same room as him.
My favourite irritating thing is him waking up before me and turning tv on loud / music on loud/ watching loud youtube/slamming doors/setting the smoke alarm off (even though I will sit in the dark with the tv nearly muted if he ever goes to bed earlier than me because I’m being considerate…)
Yep, they’re definitely poopheads.
.-= subtle´s last blog ..That thing called ‘choice’ =-.