Epiphany!

I’ve talked a gazillion times about expectations.  I have.  I know I have.

I also know that to let myself have a bunch of expectations about something pretty much sets me up to be disappointed.

But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the expectations themselves…

It’s unspoken, uncommunicated expectations.  Those types of expectations require that everyone involved in them be on the same page and expecting, wanting and feeling up to the same thing.

And we all know how often that happens, right?

Right.

This weekend the Teen stayed over at a friend’s house both Friday and Saturday night.  Both days I got myself all dolled up; tight tanks and pretty eye make up and no stubble anywhere.  I expected…  yanno…  a little summin’ summin’.

Both nights…

Eh.  Not so much.

At first I was feeling kind of pissy about it.  I was laying in bed this morning and letting myself fall into that old habit of being resentful and hurt by him not knowing what I wanted, not thinking like I did, not taking advantage of the alone time.

And then I realized…

All I would have had to do, more than likely, is say something.  Make some sort of advance myself or even tease him about being all alone and whatcha wanna do, big guy?  But I didn’t.  I sat there, doing my own thing all weekend, wanting him to miraculously want the same stuff as I do and not wanting to have to ask for it.

And, yanno…

That just isn’t getting me anywhere.  It never has.

Most times, Taylor and I are pretty in sync with what we want and need as well as when.  But on occasion, we get out of sync and then I start to moan and babble about expectations and how they suck and how I should just suck it up and not expect anything and wait for him to…

You know.

But no.

It may have taken me more than seven years to figure it out but what I should do is frickin SAY something.

Sure, he might say no. Sure, he might not be in the mood.  Sure, I may still end up disappointed.

But at least I won’t be sitting there disappointed and silent.  I won’t be sitting there disappointed cuz I was too chicken to open my stupid mouth and…  yanno…  fucking communicate?

So there we have it.  My epiphany of the month.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mama’s out there!

xoxo