Eroscillator

September 19, 2010 By In Reviews 8 Comments

I have had the Eroscillator for…  three months?  A bit more?  It has never taken me so long to write a review before.  I’ve started and stopped, started and stopped more times than I can count.  Not only is there the fact that I have little to add that hasn’t already been said about the Eroscillator but  I’m also completely conflicted about this toy for so many reasons, not the least of which is its price.

I’m going to start out with a list of pros and cons, followed up by a few details about the toy itself and its individual attachments.

Cons:

  • It’s ugly
  • It’s not rechargeable
  • It’s made from TPR and plastic
  • It’s ugly
  • The attachments pretty much suck ass
  • Pressure slows the motor down
  • It’s really ugly
  • It’s way too expensive for simple technology and non premium materials
  • It’s bulky
  • It’s really, really fucking ugly

Pros:

  • It oscillates and oscillations really do feel different than standard vibrations
  • The oscillations are rumbly and deep, low pitched
  • The Ultra Soft Finger Tip attachment rocks
  • It’s strong
  • It plugs into the wall, so no dead batteries, ever
  • It has a lot of options in regards to attachments, available separately
  • It’s super quiet

The Basics

The Eroscillator itself is a plug in vibrator that measures 11″ long by just over 1″ in diameter.  It’s made from hideous copper colored plastic with a matching cord.  The plug goes into the wall on one end (the end shaped like every other plug in cord from your toaster to your curling iron) and a jack on the bottom of they toy on the other.  The end that plugs into the toy turns to “lock” into place so that you’re not unplugging it accidentally during use.  This is a good thing.  The cord is also very long – 12 feet to be exact – which is also nice, as you’re not bound to using it right next to an outlet.

The top end of the Eroscillator has a little nub and opening where you snap the attachment of your choice in.  It’s easy to line them up — just point the front of the attachment toward the front of the Eroscillator and snap it into place.  The front is easily identifiable due to it being where the slide control – which is ridged so it’s easy to slide  - is.  It also says Eroscillator down its length.

Once you get the attachment of your choice onto the base you have a tool that looks amazingly like some sort of crazy electric toothbrush that is over a foot long.  You turn it on by sliding the slider up, toward the top of the toy. There are three speeds, so three slides or clicks of the slider; first is low, second is medium, third is high.  It’s all very simple and easy to use and, other than its size, not the least intimidating.  The size is not too bad when you use it alone but prohibits using it during pretty much any sort of partner sex – though it does make it easy for a partner to use on you, just not while he’s in you.  It’s light weight and fairly easy to maneuver, the length – which I find a bit bulky – can actually be a plus for many folks, especially if you’re not very flexible or have short arm.

Oscillations are quite different from regular vibrations, though you might not think so at first – or until you find the attachment that works for you.  The Eroscillator zooms along at up to 7200 oscillations per minute. That’s sort of like a bionic finger that can rub your clit into oblivion, tirelessly, never letting up on the speed at the wrong moment. The toy is unbelievably quiet, even on high.  It may be heard thru covers on the high setting but absolutely not thru a closed door.  The oscillations are nicely rumbly and deep, none of that surface buzzy shit you get from a lot of vibes.  They cause really fast but really deep orgasms that don’t leave you feeling over-sensitized or desensitized – in fact, I can generally use the Eroscillator again fairly soon after my first orgasm, where with most vibes I need to give my clit at least an hours rest.

On to the attachments.

Attachments

The Eroscillator 2 Plus that I got – the most basic model – comes with three dual sided attachments, so you get six different sensation options with only three pieces to keep track of.  The attachments are made of what the Eroscillator site calls “silicon-coated TPR” and look and feel like slightly flexible plastic.  The do have some give to them but, ultimately, they’re quite firm and going at 7200 oscillations per minute feel a bit like a torture device.

Leave me alone. I know a lot of people like them. This is my review and I think they suck big, fat donkey balls.  They hurt me, with their hardness and lumps and bumps and scoops and cups.  *shudder*  I’ll describe them anyhow.

Each are approximately 2″ – 3″ in length and about as big around, on the shaft, as a pen or pencil.

First you have the “cup and ball”.  The Eroscillator comes with a really nice, Dr. Ruth laden manual that explains each of the attachments in great detail, including how you can use them all “best”.  This one, as the pictures show, has a cupped side and a domed side with little balls on it.

It sucks.  The balls feel too hard to me and the cup doesn’t come anywhere close to fitting over my clit and the edges feel abrupt and sharp, especially once I’m aroused and uber sensitive.  It’s quite firm, with a bit of squeeze and flex to it but mostly it feels like softened plastic.

Taylor actually kind of likes the balled side applied to his testicles lightly but that’s the only use we’ve gotten out of this one.

Next you have the “golden scoop”.  It’s vaguely paddle or wooden spoon shaped with another scooped out side and a textured side.  It’s also firm yet bendy, in that “I left plastic sitting out in the sun too long” sort of way.

It also sucks.  Again, useless scoop — and, I swear, I do not have an abnormally large clit or anything — and the texture hurts me.   If I wanted little hard balls rubbing my clit, I’d toss sand down my panties.

We found no real use at all for this one.

Lastly, we have the “grapes and cockscomb”.  It’s shaped like a medieval torture device.  It has the same texture, is made of the same material.  It’s a bit shorter than the rest of the attachments.

The grapes side is too textured for me. Are you seeing a pattern here?  My clit? It does not like small textures in a small area that rub it raw and feel like a tiny alien invasion. The cockscomb — or ridged — side is supposed to cause deep pleasure in the labia and clitoris and Dr. Ruth swears by it but I think it’s kind of like sitting, naked, straddling the edge of a glass table.  Or something.

It sucks.

I know I’m being ridonkulously judgmental here but there are enough glowing reviews of this thing that you can, seriously, wander off and read one if you don’t like mine.  I gotta be honest and I honestly did not like a single attachment that came with my basic model Eroscillator.  This is another reason the price bothers me.  More than one hundred dollars for something that, had I not ordered an extra attachment, would have gone straight in the trash?  Nearly $150 for a plastic and TPR toy?  Insane.  At least for me, attachment hating bitch that I am. Lots of folks feel differently.

The Savior (aka The Ultra Soft Finger Tip Attachment)

Ahhhh.  Now this?  This is a slice of heaven and this is why I, in reality, do love my Eroscillator - and can honestly say it’s the best clitoral stimulator I’ve ever tried.  I won’t say it’s the best sex toy, even the best vibrator, but it’s the best at what it’s designed to do – stimulate the clitoris.

The Finger Tip Attachment is also made of the same plasticy firm yet slightly flexy TPR in the shaft but the head, which looks amazingly like a mini marshmallow (and feels like one, too!), is made from “silicone elastomer” aka TPE silicone, I guess.  It’s glossy and slick, not matte, and glides nicely over the clit, even with little or no extra lube added.  It’s a-fucking-mazing used in conjunction with an arousal gel just be sure whatever you use is silicone free so as not to degrade it.

It is the same size as the other attachments – around a couple inches long with the marshmallow being…  oh…  the size of a nickel?  Only not flat.  Thick and squishy – though less than an inch thick.  About the thickness of the cap on a tube of chapstick.

The smooshy head is ultrasonically welded onto the shaft of the attachment for water tightness, so you don’t have to worry about it coming loose or lube, vaginal secretions and water getting up under it.  You can clean it using soap and water, a toy cleaner, a spray cleaner or a plain old damp cloth.  You can’t sanitize it, however as it is not silicone but an elastomer silicone blend.  It’s not non porous so it shouldn’t be shared without using a dental dam  or the finger of a glove over the tip.  Same goes for all the attachments and the base of the Eroscillator - though since that’s plastic, you can also wipe it with a bit of alcohol or very mild bleach solution.  It does pick up a bit of lint and dust but is not tacky and anything it picks up can be easily wiped off with a wipe or damp paper towel.

I am still conflicted about the Eroscillator in general.  The toy is expensive and, again, is neither rechargeable nor made of premium materials.  It’s marketed highly toward women who have a hard time having an orgasm and making it so damned expensive seems almost like a slap in the face to them to make it inaccessible to so many who can’t afford it or don’t believe it’s worth it.   The only attachment that worked for me costs an extra $31.99.  It’s one of the ugliest toys I’ve ever seen, rather like some old fashioned monster electric toothbrush in a hideous shade of coppery brown that quite repulses me at times.  (Ever heard of a nice, clinical white, black or lime green, for Pete’s sake? ) As we all know, the attachments, other than the Finger Tip one, were a total bust – so if I hadn’t ordered it along with the toy right away, I’d never have taken it out again after the first use.   The cord aggravates the shit out of me, getting all tangled up in my sheets and around my leg and arm – though I have to admit it’s also nice to not ever have to charge it or replace batteries, to always have steady power.

And the power is amazing.  I cannot use this toy above low, the oscillations are just too intense.  A lot of folks say this brings them to slower, deeper orgasms.  For me, it gets me off faster than a god damned rocket.  I can’t hold out against it. I can’t hold back.  I turn it on and it has never taken me more than 3 minutes to get off — sometimes it’s seconds.  I’m not exaggerating.  I combined it with Shunga Secret Garden clitoral gel and was having a toe curling orgasm in under a minute.  AND I can use it again fairly rapidly – which is neat, because I can get that first orgasm, then combine it with g-spot stimulation and build up to a slower, combined orgasm that is mind blowing, sheet soaking, drool inducing, stutter producing and moon-eyed.  I’ve proposed to the Eroscillator, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment attached, at least 12 times.

Conclusion

As a whole, do I think the Eroscillator is worth $135.99?  By itself, with the basic attachments? No.  Do I think the Eroscillator and the Fingertip Attachment, combined, are worth $167.98?  Fuck yes. A million times yes.  The combination of oscillations, with their depth and gentle yet strong (which means they’re strong, but not numbing, intense but not slap you in the head buzzy) rumbly, low pitch and the Fingertip Attachment are a match made in…  well, probably Hell.  Heaven cannot possibly contain something that makes me talk dirty (often to myself or to the Eros), growl, grunt, scream and twitch like I need a straitjacket.  The Eros with the Fingertip thingy, combined with a good g-spot toy – preferably glass, metal or wood – is enough to make me swoon.

The Eroscillator comes with a one year warranty and I can’t imagine it breaking before then, even with extremely frequent use. Ugly it may be but it is well made and appears durable. When mine breaks?  I will be buying another.

I wish I had better words to tell you how much I like this – and how pissed off that makes me.

I do wish they’d offer it for a less expensive price.  I wish they’d make the heads out of 100% silicone. I wish they made more squishy heads.  But the reality is, even hating it, I love it.

product picture
Oscillating massager by Advanced response corp.
Material: Plastic
Safety:
Rating:
Vroom:
Bee:
product picture
Vibrator Accessory by Advanced response corp.
Material: Silicone / Plastic
Safety:

8 Responses to Eroscillator

  1. I have had mine for 15 years and have NEVER had a complaint (unless the power goes out). I think it’s more a matter of taking the time to learn how to use this rather than expecting it to do it all itself.

    Reply
    • I love it with the soft attachment. Still hate it any other way, though. I just prefer soft and squishy and dislike hard plastic, I guess. It’s become my go to toy, though, so even though I only dig the one attachment, it’s still my favorite thing to use :)

      Reply

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