Cruelty:
1. A cruel act; a deliberate infliction of pain and suffering
2 Extreme heartlessness
3 An indifference to suffering
4 brutality, merciless, ruthless, heartless, harsh, mean, pitiless
If I have a fetish, this is it.
Cruelty.
This is what I get off on.
Sublime moments of cruelty and abuse. (And, no, I don’t mean abuse in the social services sort of way. I’m talking pure dictionary definitions here, not the connotations society has put on the word.)
I thrive on those absolute shows of cruelty. Wallow in ruthless brutality. Delight in pitiless indifference to my suffering.
Of course I couldn’t live in that place indefinitely. I’m a human being, a soft, loving woman. I need love and affection and nurturing and pampering and a secure knowledge that he does give a shit. Most times.
But I also need to know that, sometimes, he really doesn’t. That it’s not just a game, a kinky persona he puts on for fun, but a true cruel and sadistic lack of “give a shit” for whatever hurt he may be causing.
That’s when I get my groove on.
When I’ve just leaned over and puked from the violence of a face fuck and he doesn’t let that mean I’m done. When he laughs and pulls me back on to his dick by my hair, the residual vomit mixing with my spit and snot and tears.
When I’m sobbing, crying, finally having gone limp and unable to protect myself and he slaps my face once, twice, ten times more, his own face glowing with malicious satisfaction.
When the ass rape doesn’t turn fun for me halfway thru (as it so often does. :0 ) and he finishes anyway, leaning in not to gently stroke my cheek or dry my tears but to spit on my face before turning away, leaving me a shuddering, hiccuping mess of pain and degradation.
I love – seriously love – the things we can do when we play in public. The whips and floggers we don’t have room for at home. The sensory thrill of those types of pain play.
But I live for the thrill of the cruelty we can indulge in at home.
It brings me to life. Burns me with it’s fire. Brands me with it’s icy disdain. Marks me as what I am more clearly than anything else can do.
I definitely have a fetish for cruelty.
8 Comments
Join the conversation and post a comment.
Leave a Comment
Follow Me!
I drink a lot of coffee, ride a motorcycle, have an 18 year old son and a decade long relationship that began in a chat room.
Hi Carrie Ann – just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your blog :)
i can see where you’re coming from – i loved reading what you love. i think cruelty turns me on in some ways, i.e. from receiving pain from a crop or being roughly handled (that excites me!), but i know i can only take a certain amount before it gets scary. Knowing that my Master loves me and would never hurt me intentionally is the most important thing.
t. x
I’m with trinity pup there. But I have to confess the scarier it gets the more I love it. I loved this post.
bliss
xoxox
I just added you on fetlife and have been lurking on your blog for a while. I really enjoy reading your blog. :)
BIG HUGS from a lurker,
padme amidala
Perfection. Once again you hit the nail on the head.
I can tell that you are a lover of pain by your fetlife pictures. Nice! Another great post!
I wonder on your feelings afterward. Is it all hugs and kisses, Or do you deal with the hatred that come up. During a scene that rough I feel hatred. I haven’t gone as far as expressing it. But, oh, do I feel it.
What kind of feelings do you feel when the scene is done and toys are being put away?
~~jane
Thanks for all the comments, guys.
@Jane… I”m going to try to address that in a separate blog tomorrow or Monday cuz I’ve got way too many thoughts to answer here. :)