Flabbergasted
I don’t get it. Folks seem to jump up and get insulted at the stupidest things these days!
Everywhere I turn people are doing it. You have to walk on egg shells all the time if you don’t want a bunch of drama because someone is sure to take offense if you aren’t excessively careful how you say things. And even when you are they take what you say and twist it into something to take exception to.
It’s making me nuts.
It happens a lot over on Fetlife. Any BDSM forum, really. Everyone does things differently and so, every time someone states how they do things, someone else gets all atwitter about it cuz they feel insulted; they feel like someone else doing it differently makes them wrong and then they must prove they’re right. It’s ridiculous.
It happens even more on the EdenFantasys forum. I don’t know if it’s cuz these girls feel threatened; like their sex toys will be taken away from them if someone alludes to them being less than perfect in any way or… what. Maybe it’s an age thing since so many of them are young, twenties college students who haven’t learned how to let things roll off their backs yet. I dunno. But it makes me insane. I can hardly say anything over there without someone taking offense.
Someone says “the product descriptions come across as sort of dry and boring” and someone else is like “MY reviews are NOT dry and boring and that’s insulting!” And then they run off to vote down all your reviews.
Gay.
And now in the blogosphere there’s this raging bit of drama over too many reviews on blogs and if a sexblogger should do so many reviews or review for so may companies. And, of course, those who only do reveiws get their panties in a wad cuz, you know, “you can’t tell ME how to run my blog or what to do and, besides, you suck as a sexblogger cuz you sometimes talk about your kids on your blog!!”
And I find it all utterly absurd.
What the flying fuck is a sexblogger, anyhow?
IS someone who writes about anything other than sex a sexblogger?
IS someone who only writes reviews a sexblogger?
IS someone who only writes the occasional sex piece mixed in with their thoughts and experiences with a D/s relationship a sexblogger?
And IS someone still a sexblogger if their site is nothing but ads and links for other sites?
And who really cares, anyhow?
I’m always gobsmacked by stuff like this because I just don’t give a crap if I’m considered a sexblogger or a kink blogger or a twit. I write for myself and always have. I may throw the occasional review in there but usually only if it’s relevant to my life. (Like the lube reviews. Totally relevant because it causes me much angst to not be able to make much of my own, which leaves me feeling unsexy and totally effects our sex) Now I’ve been invited to review some other things here on my blog by sites that don’t have on-site review programs like EF does and I’ll likely do those reviews. Cuz… they’re fun and I like toys and I know y’all know I’m stupidly honest so maybe it’ll help someone make a decision. I dunno. Does it make me a sexblogger? Jesus, I hope not.
Regardless. I just don’t get all the brouhaha. Ya wanna do reviews? Fuckin’ A, go ahead and do them. If they bore me I’ll just take ya out of my reader. (And seeing a lot of reviews, especially of the same ten products, DOES aggravate the shit out of me) You want to limit the amount of reviews you do and stay true to being the personal, sexy sexblogger you started out as? Fuckin’ A, go nuts. You wanna talk about D/s or your pigs or your kids or shopping or piss play or… whatever. You guessed it. Fuckin’ A, do it already and who cares what anyone else thinks?
Just, for the love of gods, stop getting so frickin’ insulted all the time. It’s juvenile. Just cuz someone speaks in general terms, just cuz someone feels the “community” should do this or that or the other thing, doesn’t mean you’re wrong or bad cuz you do it differently. They’re not targeting you. They’re just giving their opinion.
And what the flying fuck ELSE are blogs for??????????????????
I’m insulted that y’all are so insulted all the time!
i think i have told you this before – but honestly can’t remember (i’m old live with it !!) but i HATE fetlife.. find it boring as hell… i don’t even find arguments/rants to brighten up the flow over there..
i did have a 20 something send me a discussion from there… that got my goat.. AND she wants me to do a blog entry on the subject… not sure i can do that without dripping sarcasm……. the basis was should you look for someone with other interets other than BDSM if you are looking for a life partner… (think about it for a bit – it might rile you too)
i spend my days working with kids .. i am guessing i use up all my patience then and have none left for the “young ‘uns’ when i get home.. shrug..
anyway.. loved this entry and the one previous.. just wanted you to know
morningstar (owned by Warren)
Plain and simple, people are stupid.
I have to say I don’t read those who only write about sex or who only do reviews. I mean, I can have my own sex and play with my own toys. I wanna read about life, all of it. If sex comes inbetween a “my kid is a brat!” and “I burned dinner” and “lookie me in my new sexy shoes!” post then hell yeah – I’ll read the sex. Otherwise, bah. No thanks.
I have to say though, I find your reviews refreshing. They are positively *dripping* with honesty and pertinent information. Sometimes I think reviewers are afraid they’ll be dropped or get less toys if they don’t give a glowing review. You keep it real I *loved* the blow up doll review and pictures.
It’s not for me – the reviewing? I tried it, but seriously, I cannot write about something that I’m told to write about, plus, I get resentful at being under a deadline. So I’ll carry the ads but not interested in the free toys and reviewing process. You’re good at it though. :-)
I have fun with it but it’s not a “serious” thing for me. I mean… I”m not earning anything. Lol. All the ads I used to have in my sidebar for porn sites? I never earned a dime. My toy sites ads? I’ve made $5 which I can’t get paid cuz you have to make $50 to get any cash.
So it’s not like I”m doing it for a living. It’s not like I’m all bogged down with treating the reviews like a piece of Very Important Writing. I just don’t write that way. Total stream of consciousness over here. Heh.
I do ‘em cuz they’re fun and I like free toys.
Glad they don’t bug you, though. I worried, when I started doing them here on the blog, that they’d be a downer for everyone.
It always amazes me when people get their panties all in a wad over what other people write, especially in blogs, but also on forum such as FL. Happens on email discussions lists all the time, too. Umm…that’s what the DELETE button is for, dimwit. Or, hey, new thought: *don’t read it.* I don’t read all the reviews, and if a blogger does nothing but reviews, I’ll take them off my reader. Simple as that. What do I care what they write about? I have the capability of *choosing* what I read and don’t–I know, novel concept! lol
Personally I LOVED your review of the doll…I did read that, not because I am going to buy one (smirk) but because I enjoy the other stuff you write, and I had a feeling any review you wrote would be at least honest…and maybe sarcastic, and probably amusing. Score! :-)
Jade
Thanks, Jade! The doll was a blast. :)
I read you for the same reasons I read kaya. Youre real. You have a real life beyond the sex, the smut and the clips for sale.
You have dogs and family members. You have friends and fuck ups. Like Kitten In Chains (man I miss her blog) you have bloopers too. Sure the photos and smut are great, the reviews are interesting but I like you for you, not for the other stuff.
Thank you, Theresa. :)
Hey, I’m going to correct you since you misquoted me. I said, “If someone were to say that my reviews were boring or dry when I was trying to stick to facts and keep my personal opinion out of them I’d be insulted.. because even if it isn’t full of “I” or “me” statements, it’s still my work and it still has my flair.”
NOT, “MY reviews are NOT dry and boring and that’s insulting!”
Seriously, about all the brouhaha dedicated to sex blogging and reviews- it is a serious subject. Especially when reviewers are being denounced which means they are ultimately losing traffic to their sites because people are trying to discredit their hard work.
There will be juvenile activity, if you create it. And being with Eden since 2007, I’ve never “run off to vote down all your reviews.” If I’ve ever voted someone low it’s because they had poor reviews. Some of us do have some integrity, you know? In between our thumb sucking and our bouts of hysterical crying.
Seriously, Carrie, I understand with a lot of comments you make on the forum, you haven’t become the voice of popular opinion but trying to stir the pot and create trouble, you’re only going to alienate yourself. Most other writers at EF think you’re a great writer, try to keep it that way by maintaining some level of professionalism.
Hey, I’m going to correct you since you misquoted me. I said, “If someone were to say that my reviews were boring or dry when I was trying to stick to facts and keep my personal opinion out of them I’d be insulted.. because even if it isn’t full of “I” or “me” statements, it’s still my work and it still has my flair.”
NOT, “MY reviews are NOT dry and boring and that’s insulting!”
Seriously, about all the brouhaha dedicated to sex blogging and reviews- it is a serious subject. Especially when reviewers are being denounced which means they are ultimately losing traffic to their sites because people are trying to discredit their hard work.
There will be juvenile activity, if you create it. And being with Eden since 2007, I’ve never “run off to vote down all your reviews.” If I’ve ever voted someone low it’s because they had poor reviews. Some of us do have some integrity, you know? In between our thumb sucking and our bouts of hysterical crying.
Hey SD? This is my blog. I’m not trying to stir the pot at EF. I used some examples from there, without naming names, without quoting directly. I could have, but i wasn’t trying to point fingers. I used the situation you commented about and put it into words that describe the huffy attitude that’s behind most of the words when people get all insulted and pissed off. I never pointed a finger directly at you and never would have.
To be totally clear. I never said YOU said any of the stuff from my original post.
It’s also fairly obvious I was exaggerating. I’m sure my regular readers got that loud and clear.
My point behind the whole blog wasn’t to irk anyone at Fetlife or EF or in the sexblogger world. It was to rant about the ridiculously common practice of getting hugely insulted by stuff that shouldn’t matter, from people who don’t matter, on websites that don’t matter, in a cyberspace that doesn’t freaking matter.
Like, honestly, who really cares if one person thinks a review is boring and dry? Who doesn’t have more important things to worry about???
No matter how much effort we put into anything we do, there’s going to be someone, somewhere, who doesn’t like it. And getting insulted by that just makes you look like you think you’re SO fucking good that EVERYONE must like EVERY single thing you do. And that’s just setting yourself up to feel insulted.
Sheesh.
As for the serious stuff…
You’re going to lose revenue because a few people speak up about the plethora of reviews and reviewers lately? Not if your stuff is good. Not if people like your site. A few opinions by a few people just don’t have that much effect upon your revenue, stats and whatnot.
Not unless the big name people stop linking to you (general you in all of this. I mean you review bloggers). And that is only likely to happen if y’all get insulted and start a bunch of blog drama.
And I haven’t, as yet, seen anyone denounce any specific reviewers. None of the stuff that was said was directed at anyone. In fact, from what I could see, it was directed at blogs that started out as personal erotic blogs and turned into more reviews than personal or erotic anything – not at blogs that do only reviews and always have.
And as for people voting down reviews? Again, I never said you did it. Hell, when I used the “dry and boring” example I couldn’t even remember who had said it. It wasn’t a specific incident I was trying to portray but an attitude. A “You said this and now I”m insulted so I”m going to get you back!” sort of attitude. But folks have voted reviews down. I counted 6 or 8 “not useful” votes one night after people got pissed at me in the forum. I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt that many customers viewed and voted on my reviews on that particular night when it had never happened before – and I’ve been there since 2007 too.
Though it did happen again with “not really useful” votes a couple days ago when the betty rocket shit was going on.
Odd, that.
Especially since a review has to be pretty damned awful to not be useful at all and I simply do not write that badly. In fact, until I started talking on the forum and irritating people, I’d NEVER gotten a “not useful at all” vote.
And, once again, I”m not trying to “stir the pot”. I am tired, tired, tired of people becoming insulted over the wonkiest shit. The EF example and the sexblogger example and the FetLife example were just that – examples.
Like it or lump it this is my personal blog. If people on EF want to respect me less because I felt the need to rant about something and I used stuff there as an example? Fuck it.
It doesn’t insult me. :)
I’m sorry you were rated unfairly after comments said in the forums but I get not useful votes ALL the time, my husband does too even on his best reviews that include EVERYTHING that could ever be said about a product.
I think everyone gets not useful votes when they don’t deserve it— Whether those votes were because people didn’t like what they said in the forums or just didn’t like them in general.. it gives spiteful people an unfair advantage. The only way it will be changed (I think making it mandatory for someone to give a reason for why they’re voting it low) is if enough reviewers tell the developers at EF that it needs to be changed.
I feel bad for Betty, especially since she did decide to leave… those “not useful votes” were either because people were judging the review on it’s objectivity or lack of, were trying to keep it low because it wasn’t supposed to be published, or were just to be fucking rude… either way, it was her last review at EF and she should have had a glamorous exit not 21 (as of 5:33 today) not useful votes.
I sincerely do think EF should require something other than an anonymous vote. A reason, a log in name, something that helps keep people honest. Maybe tie it in with the comment so folks have to comment to rate cuz it’s all in one box or something.
I also think some of the things that determine our rank are too easily manipulated and create an unhealthy level of competition. Some competition is good. It keeps us doing our best. Too much and you have even good people doing bad things to “win”.
In many ways I felt bad for Betty, too. Mostly because the toy was obviously wrong for her and that put her in a crappy position. Her review wasn’t at all objective but it wasn’t completely useless, either. I voted it middle of the road. Being unable to actually use the toy because of physical reactions leaves a person unable to really review it properly. I think EF should have told her it was no biggie, they’d send it to someone else to try, and not to worry about it instead of doing the big “DECLINE” thing. At the same time I felt pretty strongly about bringing it to the forum being a bad move. Mostly because I know exactly how it feels when you’ve put stuff in public that should have remained private. It feels right at the time but you usually regret it later. Not to mention it’s always seen as a challenge to authority and that usually doesn’t work well.
So… I”m not sure how this turned into an all EF discussion. Oy.
I really didn’t mean to insult you specifically in my initial post, SD. It was kind of a badly worded example combining many episodes at EF lately. I’ll stand by the irrational offense taking going on all over the place but I do apologize for making you feel I was talking about you specifically.
*waves* I just started reading you & just got brave enough to say hullo.
Totally agree with the ‘it’s your blog, do what you want’ statement. But I have to say, it’s cool when people write about their thoughts/experiences outside of their sex. Maybe that’s because I’m HORRIBLY nosey… but I think it makes them seem real instead of just people who have really awesome sex lives.
Hey Carrie Ann-
I’m not coming here to bash you or throw a temper-tantrum or whatever else it is that we 20 something’s do. I would just like to say that you’ve pointed out to me yourself that it is nearly impossible to tell intentions of how things are written over the internet.
“I used the situation you commented about and put it into words that describe the huffy attitude that’s behind most of the words when people get all insulted and pissed off.” That’s not exactly fair. You don’t know whether people have a huffy attitude or not, and honestly, the particular forum thread which you were referring to contained little-to-no drama. It remained civil, so I don’t see where you got the idea everyone was whining there.
I don’t think it’s fair to say everone needs to shut up about the review situation. Some people put a lot of effort into what they do, so of course they’re going to be up in arms about it. I’m sure you would feel frustrated if you did something you loved to do, only to have your work be labeled a bad thing.
@MissKissThis
Bah. The way I live my LIFE is labeled a bad thing.
My point? It’s not that folks should “shut up”. It’s that they should stop getting insulted by the opinions of others and just live their lives in whatever way makes them happy.
Fuck what anyone else thinks or says.
I never told anyone to shut up. I said it was ridiculous to take every comment or opinion on the web that you don’t like and make it a personal insult.
As for the situation I commented on? For the third time or so…
It was an example combining many episodes at EF lately. Seeing as I didn’t name names or give links or even quote exact words and have explained myself at least twice, I’m not going to do so again.
And, while you are correct, it’s not alway easy to tell intentions over the internet, it IS pretty easy to tell when people are doing the whole “you’re a bitch cuz you said something bad about the review program so you should shut up and email the admin and quit INSULTING us so I’m going to go down vote yer shit; but this other person, who is my friend, can bring her personal bullshit with the admin to the forum all she wants and how DARE you tell her to not do so, that’s INSULTING and I”m gonna go down vote your shit!” thing.
I’d say that can be considered huffy.
Did I say it was you who did any of this? Nope. I never said it was any individual. It’s more of a combined effort at huffiness over at EF. ;)
And, hell, I may be wrong entirely.
But, yanno, it’s my blog and my opinion and I’m totally allowed to have it.
Just like people are allowed to get insulted if they want to, no matter how ludicrous I think it is.
My opinion is just an opinion. And it flabbergasts me why anyone lets an opinion get them all atwitter.
@nebbish
Hello and thank you!
I’m with you. Most of the blogs I truly enjoy are more personal. That’s why I write – to talk about personal stuff – and that’s the type I like to read.
I still link to quite a few sexblogs and review blogs, though, because they’re a good resource and they’re often well written by great people.
I guess it comes down to everyone having their own preference and that being totally ok.
So long as folks don’t get insulted by my preference. :P
Nice to meet you!
I’m insulted that you’re insulted that I’m insulted all the time!
I’m sorry. I just didn’t have anything else to say to that. But I’m with you. :)