I woke up this morning to a box full of amusing comments on my blog. Seriously amusing shit. I laughed for like a half hour and couldn’t even start working for like an hour cuz I couldn’t control my giggles long enough to ingest any coffee, the work juice.
I thought I would share them with y’all. :D
- It looks like a pacifier. Stick it in your mouth and shut up. kthnx. <3
- pffft. EF can’t even call a toy the right name. Nonsensical. You EF whoremonger dingleberry. I bet you eat your own scabs.
- ewww! Tentacles! You’re gross! I Bet you like to molest squid and octopus, don’t you. THAT’S WHY YOu’RE BANNED FROM SEA WORLD!!! I GET IT NOW!
- YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE POINTINESSSSS because you are pointless. yes yes, that’s it!
- Noooo, pfft. these things are horrible. And besides, we all know you just put them in the refrigerator and dump the jizz in your morning coffee!!!
- YOU STOLE THIS FROM MY AUNTIE!!! She uses it as a hammer. that’s all it’s good for. all you do is lie lie lieeeeeee. You are a lie, like the cake.
- it looks pink! PINKKY LIKE ICE CREAM… I hate ice cream. EW EW EW EWWWWW this toy sucks like a $2.00 whore…. OI! that reminds me, don’t I know you from Vegas? yes yes, I’m sure i doooo
- NO WAY. this toy is ugly and overpowered. it killed my dog!!!!! You have to pay for the funeral now
- NUUUU I MELTED IT>>> stupid toy. it didn’t say we weren’t supposed to douse it in hydrochloric acid and then jet fuel and light it on fire. what a terrible, and uninformative opinion! D:<
- I disagree, strongly. I chewed right through those things. tsk. Go to the dentist!
- ewww, this toy sucks. IT’S A SHARK, IT’S GOING TO EAT ME!!! who wants a shark eating their vagina, anyway?
- Shut up! you just like to snort crack, you ass-banana! Go lick a splintered wooden fence. kthnx <3
- get off the fence.. oh, wait, you can’t, it’s lodged up your beached-whale-mouth sized vagina
- It’s not our fault you fail at tetris and that your vagina is some gaping hole that needs ginormous toys in it. tsk.
- It’s only cuz he can’t get you wet any other way
- Twitter hates you, just like everyone else. They only pretend cuz they’re afraid you might come over and eat all their dirty towels and lick their windows. Don’t disguise the fact that you like to eat Taylor’s poop poop a doop, VD queen! <3
- NO BATHTUB FOR YOU! go bathe in the muck with the piggy piggies!!! OINKKKKKK oh wait, they don’t want you cuz you smell like the inside of a rotting sperm coated tarantula!
- NYUUUUUU You are WRONG! I DISAGREE! FONT MATTERS!!! FONNNNNTT MATTTTERRRRSSSSSSSS everyone know that and anyone who doesn’t likes to can their farts, make them from gas to liquid, and drink them with their tea.
- WRONG! Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Right now.
- I disagree . you’re a cunt biscuit. FUckity duck licker whoredoodle. yes yes yes! shut up, dog breath
- Iphones Suck! Anyone who uses them is a rusty metal dildo. awnings are for pussies, and tiki torches smell like monkey butts. What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Nachos and Twizzlers make a really crappy dinner NO THEY DONT YOU UNDERFED TRIPE POTATO!!! SHUT UP AND EAT
Sunburn gives me cold sores. Yay. Now my cleavage, back, forehead AND lips hurt. HERPES GIVES YOU COLD SORES, DEE DEE DEE
My Pure Plug 2.0 is delayed due to holiday postal asshattery. Fuckers. THAT’S BECAUSE THE POSTMAN WAS USING IT. ENJOY THAT
That teen is going out for football. Practice started this week. His pain? Secretly makes me giggle. In payback for all the times he laughed at me doing yoga i HOPE YOU SLIP IN YOGURT WHILE DOING YOGA. NOT SO YOU GET HURT, BUT JUST SO IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE STALE JIZZ ALL OVER YOU
Donut Shop k-cups for my Keurig machine really do taste like coffee you’d get at Dunkin’ Donuts or somethin’ SOMETHING, WITH A G, LOOK IT UP, FROG LIPS
This is a good thing. It would be a better thing if I had some fuckin’ donuts. NO IT ISN’T, COFFEE IS BAD FOR YOU, DRINK CARROT JUICE AND PISS.
Days seem longer than eternity lately. Drag, drag drag and I don’t know why STOP BEING AN EMO KID. DERP
Possibly because I’m off the Ambien and Melatonin and Valerian are NOT cutting it. Sleep? What’s that? YAY DRUGS!
I’m also, understandably, quite cranky. OBVIOUSLY
I dreamed Taylor died the other night and nearly lost my mind YOU MEAN YOU HADN’T LOST IT ALREADY?
Taylor did a wheelie with me on the bike the other day in a parade and I nearly killed him AWWWW, MISS CONTROLLING WENCH!
Insane screeching does not become me IT DOESN’T? YOU MUST STOP SPEAKING THEN
Did I mention I’m tired? And this day is dragging? YUH, EMO
I have all sorts of cool toys to review and I don’t feel like doing any of them; Vixskin Lonestar, Nobessence Tryst, this Pure Plug 2.0 that’s coming, Bimini Flash, Lelo Iris, Whipspider Tentacle Jr… meh. Not in the mood to write THAT’S BECAUSE YOUR TOYS SECRETLY DON’T LIKE THEM, THEY CALL YOU NAMES. THEY’RE OUT TO GET YOU!
Also? That nachos gave me heartburn. Fml TUM TUM TUM TUM TUMS! (This is my favorite. PURE insanity. Omg. I’m laughing again.)
Your daily dose of hilarity.
You’re welcome!
And to whomever took the time to write them all… Thank you! My bounce rate loves you!
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I drink a lot of coffee, ride a motorcycle, have an 18 year old son and a decade long relationship that began in a chat room.
Omg, Carrie. I mean, I knew you meant hilarious, but Jesus… I can’t stop laughing.
Wow. This is hilarious :) I think someone has a crush on you!
Wow. They sure showed you, Carrie! Go cry into your dildos now.
That sad sad person spent an awful lot of time making an ass of themselves anonymously. How, um, pointless. No Popsicle for you, fake-name commenter.
Good lord. I dont think Ive seen so much mindless drivel in my ENTIRE life.
No wonder you laughed like a lunatic.
These all sound like something a 5 year old would say, well, with some exceptions. What a sad, pathetic person (or people) who did this. But, yeah, it’s hilarious!
You have the weirdest people develop crushes on you, Carrie Ann. :-p
glad you like it.. not worth anything intelligent here.
Are you that boxxy from youtube who is supposed to be dead? Please say you are! Ghosts typing retarded comments on my blog would be SO fucking COOL!
I hope you like it because it will never go away. You say you don’t care about other people’s shit, but all you do is whine about it, and call them things like short bus if they disagree with you
Because clearly everyone who disagrees with you is some ignorant idiot. I’m plenty sure you’ll have some witty Response that will make me giggle as much as you and your idiot readers
Idiocy = not having a firm grasp on the English language, which you clearly do not.
I wonder if they realize how truly idiotic they are to play right into your crap and your vague little “I’m so perfect, everyone else is a fuck up” game.
I don’t have a crush on carrieann, I mean, where am I going to get a wrecking ball on my budget? tsk tsk
OMG, this is just toooooo cute. This person has such a hard-on for you, Carrie Ann. It’s just like when a little kid would hit the kid they liked and then run away.
Well I find it particularly interesting that Boxxy knows how much a $2.00 whore feels like.
Your vibrator killed my dog.
The end.
My God! Do people really not have anything better to do? This is crazy Carrie. I like that you displayed it though. I still don’t get what their issues are with you??? You work for a sex shop and you blog about it?????? What the hell is there problem? Whoever wrote the comments… DUDE IT’S A BLOG AND ITS THE INTERNET, GET THE FUCK OVER YOUR ISSUES!
Sorry had to put my two cents in there! lol. Keep up the awesome blog girl. :)
Wow. All I have to say is that someone had a lot of free time on their hands! Gotta love the Internet…
Glad this up’d your rates and gave some of us readers a laugh- perhaps the author now has some meaning to their life…
See, I told you Puck was in love with you.
I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with Jenn.
“TRIPE POTATO”
The end.
It’s only sad to reflect the very Nature that is carrieann. I’m the embodiment of her subconcious