…and I’ll rant if I want to!

Ahem.

So…

Back to conversations over on FetLife.

Lots of talk lately about slave mindset vs submissive mindset. About the definition of the word slave and whether you can be one if you’re not owned/don’t have a master.

Now I tend to define and use words quite literally.  If the dictionary says a word means this I don’t use it to describe that.  I rarely bend and twist words to accommodate my own meaning.  I use the word that means what I want to say.

Part of the problem for me is that I don’t use the word slave to describe myself despite the fact that my relationship is basically M/s.  We use Owner/property if we’re going to use any label at all.  I’m a collared, owned, submissive woman.

But I understand that many do use and relate to the term slave.  I can accept that as it’s personal choice, right?  But in my mind the fact will always remain that a slave is owned. A slave has a master.  Without a master to own them they’re not a slave.  A slave, by it’s very definition, is an owned person.

That’s just me, though.  I understand that some folks use the term differently.  It doesn’t work for me but some folks feel that being a slave is something they are inside regardless of ownership.  Ok, great.  I’m not ever going to say you can’t feel that way. I’m going to tell you it’s not sensible to me because of the way I define words but, hey, cool anyhow cuz you’re you and you live your life, not me.

I’m also likely to ask you why you feel that way.  Not to be argumentative but because I want to understand.

So, yeah.
I asked.
What’s difference between an unowned slave and a submissive person?  What is the definition of slave if you take relationship dynamics out of the equation? What makes an unowned slave an unowned slave and not a submissive person looking for a master?

I mean, I really want to know and understand how people can think so much differently than I do. I want to understand the how and why of the way they think.

I don’t want you to say “because I said so! It’s how I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel. Now fuck off and stop telling me I’m wrong!”

I want to know why you feel that way. I want to understand your thought process.

Anyhow…

What do I get?

A bunch of people who didn’t even come CLOSE to answering the questions.

And that’s a huge damned pet peeve of mine.  Don’t just babble in the general vicinity of the topic just to hear yourself talk. Answer the fucking questions!!!!!

Jeez!

And I also get a bunch of people saying I’m beating a dead horse and could I please shut up.

ARGH.

Another pet peeve.  If you don’t like the topic, go away!  Don’t answer! Don’t join the conversation!  Ignore me!  Just don’t waste my time typing for twenty minutes about how boring and repetitive the topic is!  I’m trying to learn something here and you’re bothering me.  Shoo!

And then I get the folks who just cannot comprehend that disagreement doesn’t have to mean argument, it doesn’t mean right and wrong.

I’m not LOOKING to agree with anyone.  I don’t CARE if they agree with me.  I’m not trying to make a bunch of clones here.  I just want to understand the intricacies of human thoughts and emotions.

I don’t have to agree with you to understand you.  I don’t have to change my mind to comprehend what you’re saying.  There is nothing wrong with different perspectives, different opinions. Nothing wrong with disagreement!

Except, of course, to those who do feel they’re right and I’m wrong and get fucking pissed off when I won’t’ change my mind.

The ones who talk and talk and never say much of anything except “this is how it is!” and “because I said so!” and expect you to come over to their side, expect you to allow them to be right and admit you were wrong.

Bah.

They get all upset, call you argumentative, get all defensive…

And what it comes down to is they want to be right – not just doing what’s right for them but right -  and they get pissed off when you won’t let their right be your right.

They talk and talk, not to share how they feel but because they think they can change your mind which makes them right.

And they don’t realize that making themselves right makes others feel wrong and making people feel wrong about something as sensitive as the complexities of BDSM and sex and kink and relationships is never going to go over well.

They’re going to get a “tone” from you because they’re behaving like jackasses!

And now that I’ve rambled on and on and probably lost my original direction (I’m not proof reading before I post) I’m going to scamper.

My coffee cup is empty and that is wrong.