Me first, me first, me first!
So. FetLife. Again, it has me pondering. I may not participate there much but, I swear to gods, whenever I visit I end up with a blog post.
Lately there have been some discussions about who comes first; child, master or self.
And I’m kind of floored at the responses.
I mean, first of all, the woman who started one of the posts has grown kids. Gone, out of the house, fully capable of taking care of themselves kids. And she says they’ll always come first.
Another woman has a four year old and says the kid comes last.
And I’m not entirely sure where I sit when it comes down to it. I guess I tend to think it really does depend upon the age of your child. And I also tend to not be that “absolute” in anything.
I mean, seriously, BDSM and M/s and all that shit might be serious businesss that we must treat as if it’s THE thing in our lives that matters most but I’m a failure there.
Life, love and family matter most to me. And to Taylor. There is no “put me first” shit coming from him. We just… live life, man. Sure, if both Taylor and the Teen ask for different things for dinner, I’m usually pretty likely to give Taylor what he wants. But when it comes to important stuff? WE put the kid first. Not necessarily his wants – cuz teens want a lot – but we do what’s best for him. Always. Or what’s best for us as a family in instances when no single one of us is more important than the other.
So I guess, to me, the whole topic is kind of stupid.
I mean, seriously. What 30 year old person wants their mommy to still be putting them first? And what mommy isn’t going to do what’s best for her young child first? Shitty, crappy ones in both cases.
Unless we bring out the old extreme examples. Like… zOMG! He wants me to never speak to my children again and will cut off my head if I do! Or… Oh Emm Gee! He wants me to feed my toddler nothing but raw chicken livers marinated in toilet water and basted in poop! That’s dangerous!
Cuz, yanno, that stuff happens.
*blink*
So. Yeah. I just spent fifteen minutes pondering about something ridiculous. Cuz, yanno, I’m a sane, well adjusted person who really doesn’t worry about who I put first. And Taylor is a slightly insane, fairly well adjusted person who… gasp… still manages to put us all in the right order and make sure we’re taken care of. Even when it means HE doesn’t come first.
You know. Common sense and family values.
And on that note…
I’m gonna go eat summin’. Activia and strawberries just don’t hang around long in the belly.
i was thinking…… (rare for me at 5 in the evening after a bloody long day!!) about who comes first around here…
Basically Sir does…….. unless of course i do… or unless one of my kids needs us… and i say US .. cause they really do (‘specially the baby girl) absolutely depend on Sir…….. and my god they are married and producing families of their own……… but if they need us.. we are there…. like you said.. it is FAMILY .. and when all is said and done.. when all the fantasizes are put in their proper place.. FAMILY comes first….
Sometimes it can be bloody frustrating how much everyone else seems to come before US … but ya know?? that’s life.. real life… and i wouldn’t want it any other way….
morningstar (owned by Warren)
morningstar’s last blog post..Memories.
You’ve touched on something that constantly frustrates me in the BDSM world: submission somehow being an excuse to stop using your brain or act with any common sense whatsoever. Debating who should come first is really an just excuse to argue about which way is the right way.
That said…
I think its just fantastical bullshit to think that anyone can completely subjugate not only themselves but the needs of either their children or their master (whomever they feel comes 2nd) 100% of the time to someone declared to be 1st in line because dammit, slaves are not ethereal creatures of perfect submission…they are fucking human, they get hungry and they have to pee just like the rest of us.
Laurel’s last blog post..You have got to be fucking kidding me…
I am TOO an ethereal creature. I have a wand and stuff!
Finally someone with some sense! See I have read journals where the kids are young and the so called mom says..her master comes first..ALWAYS and think..omg how wrong, and then you have the ones in which the kids come first ALWAYS . There has to be a happy medium. I think in our case the kids came first UNTIL they started to be less dependent on mom and dad and more self reliant. AS they grew and matured our affections turned towards each other as husband and wife and Master and slave and the kids became less of a focal point. It was and will not ever be a competition of whom comes first..
great post!
starla
PERFECTLY said, starla! Thank you!
IMO, the children are not a part of their parents’ M/s relationship, so they really shouldn’t be a part of that dynamic. I mean, you choose your partner, you and your kids kinda just get stuck with each other, LOL! They should be kept separate…and I would always, ALWAYS put my child first, especially if they were younger. Maybe it’s maternal instinct, maybe my half-German-ness is showing, but I see everything my parents have sacrificed for me and my siblings–how much they’ve done for us and what they’ve given up so we can have nice things and a great life–and I realize that I would want the same thing from my child. Family comes before all else with me.
Backseat Boohoo’s last blog post..Pleasurists #31
There will always be ridiculous conversations started by retarded people. And there will always be intelligent people like us insanely wasting our time pondering the ridiculousness of those conversations. It’s the circle of life, ya know. lol
Eliot’s last blog post..Anal sex on my mind