I rarely let online shit get to me.
I may get passionate in my responses but I rarely get truly pissed off.
The past two days I let myself get genuinely, steam-coming-from-my-ears, clenched fisted PISSED.
Why, you ask?
At this point I’ve realized it’s because I’ve been being told my opinion isn’t valid.
Though now it is. Now that I’ve disclosed my health issues and given a real "reason" why I hold my opinion it’s suddenly okey dokey.
And that, my friends, is bullshit.
I’ve been arguing about, of all things, herpes.
Someone posted a rant about how cold sores are herpes too and people with genital herpes get treated like shit and how uninformed the public is and how they shouldn’t judge if they don’t have all the facts, especially if they haven’t been tested themselves.
And I’ve pretty much agreed with all that.
I disagreed with the original poster downplaying HSV-2 (genital herpes) as a "simple skin rash". I disagreed with them saying HSV-1 and HSV-2 are the "same".
I stated that I wouldn’t consider someone with HSV-2 as a sex partner. That, for me, the risk is determined thru worst case scenario rather than best case. That I’d never assume I’d be asymptomatic or have just a minor skin rash if I contracted HSV-2 because that’s, to me, a non rational way to assess risk. I stated that I had enough issues without complicating them by contracting HSV-2.
I also stated that, for me, the two were NOT the same since treatment of HSV-1 (which I already have) is relatively cheap and easy to come by since the virus is so common where as treatment of HSV-2 can be expensive and not always covered by insurance.
At no time did I stated that HSV-1 was "better" than HSV-2. And yet I was continually told that’s what I meant.
I was dressed down for not wanting to add risk to my life when I already have medical issues and added risk working in health care.
I was basically given a rash of shit, my opinion invalidated, right up until I disclosed my health problems.
Then it miraculously became "Okay" that I didn’t want added risk.
What the flying FUCK?????????
No one should be expected to take added risks with their health. No one should have to justify why they don’t want to take added risks or give private information about why those risks are valid.
And, god damn it, no one should be told their reasons for choosing not to take risks aren’t good enough.
Even – and this was a biggie – if those reasons are simply they don’t want to deal with the social stigma. There IS a social stigma and, while I find it sad and would love to fight it, the fact of the matter is no one has a right to tell someone they are WRONG for not wanting to add that social stigma to their lives.
If not wanting to have an STI is the only reason you have for not fucking someone with an STI than that is a valid enough reason!
I was actually told that it was "okay" to have a physical and legitimate reason but not "okay" to have a moral one.
*blink*
I guess morality is unimportant, eh?
Anyhow.
None of this is all that important.
I just felt the need to vent in my own space. It helps with the crankiness, you know.
Back to your regularly scheduled Saturday.
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I drink a lot of coffee, ride a motorcycle, have an 18 year old son and a decade long relationship that began in a chat room.
Wow…
OK.. well, yeah.. I get this too. I have an immune deficiency that I was born with. It’s genetic. You can’t catch it and I could only give it to my own children.
So when I say “I’m not into poly and having different sex partners or playing with others in public dungeons because I want to honor my primary relationship..” I get “gah!! you’re so closed minded!!!”
Now, if I say “I don’t want to play with other people or go to public dungeons because I have a compromised immune system..” , people say “Oh.. OK.. that’s understandable.”
WTF?
I know, right?
And I”m thinking… ok… so it’s socially looked down upon to behave like redneck trailer trash. Should we ALL become redneck trailer trash to fight the social stigma? I don’t see anyone arguing for that!
It’s a social stigma to be fat, too. I say everyone MUST eat until they’re clinically obese so we can fight the stigma!
Bring on the lard I.V.’s!
bravo carrie ann
i agree that i simple “no thank you” should suffice without being interrogated about it.
Forget morality, social stigma etc etc…..
What’s wrong with “I’d just rather not have genital herpes”? Just…. hey it’s my body, I prefer not to have a life-long recurring “skin rash” that I can give to other people. Hell, I’d prefer not to have excema or psoriasis either. Does the fact that they are not contagious make it ok for me not to want them? Or is that close-minded too?
I don’t have HSV-1. Doesn’t mean I look down on anyone who DOES have it, just because I’d rather not.
Hi There,
Sorry you had that experience. Yes, you are correct, you have the right to say no thank you to any sexual encounter and that be it and all. You are perfectly within your rights to decline nookie with any and everyone, based on YOUR criteria, no matter what they are. And no, these other folks do not have the right to decide they determine your correctness in feeling how you feel; or assessing the validity of your rational. There is no badge that allows folks in online forums to sit as judge and jury over your decision making.
There is a really nice man who wants to pursue a relationship with me who has HSV2. I have to decide if I want painful itching and burning in my nether reigons. I have to decide if I want to risk birth defects or death for any progeny from this relationship. Those are my decisions. And whatever I decide, I be doggone if some nameless Nimrod online is going to sit in judgement over me.
Psshhhh,
:) Pretty