Re. Frightening
Yeah. Regarding my post yesterday.
Did y’all know I’m getting seriously slammed over at Blood, Sweat, Tears? (Go ahead, check it out. I know you’re gonna.) It’s a shame, too, cuz the girl liked me right up until yesterday.
Seems the fact that I’d send Teen to his dad rather than leave if shit got iffy around here really pissed her off. I don’t blame her. Really I don’t. I’m a mama bear, too.
It just would have been nice if she had all the facts or even a basic understanding of my life beyond a few blog posts before she went off ranting. I mean, most of what she says has absolutely no bearing on my life, how my life works or what I even said.
Assumptions are wonderful, aren’t they? (Seriously. She went from me saying if things got abusive around here I’d send the kid to his dad to “getting rid of your kids for because they’re in your kinky way”. Wtf? I know for a fact that’s not at all what I said.)
Anyhow…
I figured I’d put a few facts out there for the rest of you irate mamas.
It’s quite easy for me to say what I’d do if Taylor got abusive with me or my kid because the likelihood of it happening is … well… slim to none, really.
Taylor and I have been together for goin’ on seven years here.
We’ve known each other for eleven.
He’s a better dad to my son than my son’s actual dad is.
He works hard to provide us with everything he can and has created a wonderful, loving, caring family in what used to be a single parent household.
He’s never lifted a hand to my son, never emotionally abused him, never neglected him. In fact, he spends quite a bit of time with him, working on bikes and puttering in the yard and showing him how to do tricks on both bike and skateboard.
He loves my son.
He’s never more than playfully swatted my rump in front of the kid.
We don’t do kinky, sexual stuff in front of the kid because… duh… that’s inappropriate.
Our life doesn’t revolve around BDSM and kink. We’re a loving family who happen to practice a D/s dynamic.
In everything we do, the kid, the family, comes first.
So, yeah. It’s pretty easy for me to toss profound “what ifs” out there.
Pinkroses says her “Daddy” would never put her in that position because he knows she’d walk.
Taylor would never put me in that position period. Not because of the threat that I’d walk but because he loves and respects us and has no desire to harm us. And because he respects himself more than that.
He’d leave, himself, before he’d bring harm to our family.
So.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
I’m neither stupid nor selfish, clueless nor dumb.
And my D/s relationship revolves around quite a bit more than ” being beaten, humiliated and abused into one helluva orgasm” and it’s far more than an illusion.
Hope y’all have a hell of a day. :)
I’m about to go order my disposable teen a new cell phone for his birthday.
Think I can get a disposable contract in case I have to ditch him and the phone to fulfill my kinky needs?
im glad you read her blog. i just put a comment on your post about it…so, i was a little late i guess but its good that you saw what she wrote.
take care,
hugs,
Hisflower
Thanks, flower. :)
I left a comment on her blog, too, though I doubt she’ll let it go thru. :)
I did let the comment go through, why wouldn’t I? This isn’t high school. So we disagree on this topic, big deal. I responded to the comment you left me, but I’ll say some of it here too. My entire post wasn’t about you, you aren’t the first mom I’ve heard say she’d choose the man over the child and I think that’s wrong. That’s what I posted about – women who would choose the man over the child and my opinions about it. Even in the world of “what ifs” it’s still disgusting to me that a mother would choose kink over the kid. It’s only my opinion and that’s why we all blog – to share our viewpoints and our lives.
Disagreement is one thing.
I’m not real keen on being called stupid – and saying “people like that” when you’re obviously talking about me is basically calling me stupid.
*shrug*
Maybe that makes me “high on myself” but I doubt it.
My post was the primary inspiration for you blog and you were primarily talking about me in more than half of it.
Regardless, my relationship with Taylor is far, far more than kink. I certainly wouldn’t choose a kinky fuck or a hundred over my kid. The fact that you can’t grasp the difference between kink and what I write about tells me just about all I need to know.
Your disgust amuses me, really.
Those who get it will get it and those who don’t won’t.
So long as I have the chance to make folks aware of the facts and not just the emotional outbursts I’m all good.
eh.
shrug.
Isn’t that somethin’.
Let me tell you something that my father told me growing up. He looked at me one day after I’d had 9 rounds with my psycho-mother & said, “Sinn, eventually you & your brothers & sister are going to leave. She’ll still be here. I’m going to take her side every time.”
Even though I felt that was completely unfair (because she was being a psycho.), I still had to respect & admire what he was saying. He was telling me that their marriage came first.
And ya know what? My parents, for all of their faults, taught me a really important concept — how to have a good marriage. They were madly in love with each other. They didn’t live their lives for their kids; they lived them for each other. I had a model of what a good marriage looked like, & it taught me how to have one myself. I put my marriage first.
And ya know what else? The other day my 16 year old daughter told me that when she looked at me & my husband it made her believe that people could really stay in love forever, & it gave her hope for herself. Not a bad legacy.
What amuses me is how defensive you’ve become over all this because you’re hell bent on believing it’s all about you. Your post reminded of the other times I’ve read moms say the same thing and I was writing about the topic in general. It was never intended to be a knock on you so if you took it personally then that’s your problem and not mine. I never called YOU stupid. I said women who would put the man over the kids are stupid and they are. Never meant to start a blog war over this, but these are my opinions and I won’t censor myself on my own blog.
Never asked you to censor yourself.
And there’s a difference between being “defensive” and defending oneself.
I’m sure you see that clearly as you’re defending yourself over here. :)
Thanks, Sinn.
I come from the same sort of family.
I remember freaking OUT when I was a kid, wondering why my mom never left my rather psycho dad.
Problems come and go. We all have them. Even bad, serious problems.
But they
do go.
My parents have been together since my mom was 13. Married since she was 19. She’s now 58. They’ll be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary next year.
My dad always – ALWAYS – came first in our house.
It didn’t make us abused or traumatized or left to feel unimportant.
Exactly opposite, in fact. My family is unbelievably close. The love we share is nearly tangible. You can almost reach out and touch it when we’re all in a room together.
And we all strive to have a marriage as wonderful as my parents do.
A marriage that will weather the good, the bad, and even the downright ugly.
A marriage that comes first.
Because when your kids are raised and gone all you have left is your marriage.
Or the shambles you’ve made of one.
Personally I haven’t been reading this blog all that much, but I have read at least three pages of history.
From my view point this kind of all seems like a huge misunderstanding, and I can totally see your and Rose’s opinions and understand them completely perfectly.
In my opinion (which is probably uncalled for and unwanted) I think that your post may have been “the straw that broke the camels back” for Rose in the sense that it’s obviously a SERIOUS issue to her (otherwise she probably would have never written about it) and your post was the most recent one she read about that sort of topic and so she was inspired to write about it because it was a topic that was fresh in her mind. Obviously this is all assumptions on my part, because I’m not going to know how you or she thinks.
I think you’re right in the sense that a lot of her post did seem based on yours, but I also think she was more just using it as a most recent example of what she was talking about.
Also, you’re saying that you said that that was a “what if” scenario. Her opinion is on if that scenario came into place and she went with it. There are many mothers who will willingly abandon their children for the man in their lives, for all sorts of reasons. Rose obviously does not agree with women who are willing to do this.
I don’t know what else really to say as my opinion is based on assumptions and is most likely unwanted but still.
I think that you shouldn’t be (as seemingly, you may not be!) as upset by this as you seem to because you’re post was a what if, it didn’t happen and it isn’t true. Rose’s post is based on women who actually do this (and the idea of doing it it seems) because their selfishness comes first rather than the kid, which isn’t really what’s going on with you. If your kid was being abused you admit you would send him away so he’s being protected, which is the right thing to do, though staying with someone who abused your son may cause him to hold a grude against you. But again, this is all a what if scenario and in the long run if it doesn’t happen, it really does NOT matter.
You have an opinion, she has an opinon, and I have an opinion. Everyone has an opinion. Really this is just a moral debate and each of you are just going to get increasingly frustrated with the other because you think seperately from one another.
This is so long, sorry if I offended anyone with my assumptions and my opinion, this is just the way I see the situation.
I”m really not upset.
I just figured it best if I put some facts out there for the rest of the mama bears.
Believe me, I’ve been called worse than stupid.
And when I”m upset, I type in lots of capital letters. :)
Oh. And don’t worry about offending anyone. I always welcome comments. Yours was absolutely fine.
here’s the thing: what keeps the adrenaline going for everyone is the need to *defend* what we’re doing. i don’t think it matters who’s right – what matters is that it makes one feel like one has to defend what they’re doing to the public-at-large.
yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion. (notice i’m carefully not saying with opinion i personally agree with.) but wouldn’t it be a nicer world if we didn’t have to defend said opinions, and simply – have them?
sheesh.
haha! finally a post i can put my two cents on!
My mom and dad always put each other first as well. They were married and in love before i ever existed, and will be together until the day they die. I however come and go, although i come around a lot since the dynamic created a very very strong family bond. I’m sure if things turned abusive or got out of hand they would have given me to a family member or someone else that was able to give me the love and care that i need. And I’m sure this happened a few times along the way. The surprise week long trips to my aunt’s house… looking back on it, was probably them working out issues that i couldn’t deal with or that they couldn’t deal with at the same time as dealing with me. To me, this shows even more love and understanding for a child. It shows that they realized they were not the best place for me to be at the moment and they were able to put my needs above everything else. I think its because of this type of understanding and relationship that my mother and father are not only the best parents that i know, but also my two best friends.
I don’t know if that made sense to anyone but me, but there are my two cents on the matter.
I dunno, luna.
I don’t think defending our opinions is a bad thing.
It makes us think. Makes us really understand why we feel a certain way.
Perhaps I’m over analytical. (winks at Sinn)
I like having my opinions questioned. It’s often how I learn and grow.
Opinions aren’t always based on facts. The very definition of opinion is “a personal belief not founded on proof”. (Although opinions not founded on any type of fact can come across as kind of crazy. Running around insisting that all lizards are blue just because you had a blue lizard – while that may be your opinion – is gonna make you look a little foolish)
When we defend our opinion it exposes us to other opinions and often to facts on the subject. We learn. Our opinions don’t always change as we learn but we definitely broaden our horizons.
I don’t find defending my words to be a bad thing.
It gives me a chance to understand myself more fully and to understand the people I’m communicating with. It also gives those listening or reading a better understanding.
That’s important to me.
If someone’s going to say all lizards are blue and I’m going to say they’re not…
It’s nice if I can defend my opinion, put the reasons for it out there, so that those reading have a choice what to believe and something to base that choice on.
Makes sense to me, Soul.
This whole thing of putting kids first…
I mean, without a doubt my son is extremely important to me. I’d die for him, kill for him, defend him to my last breath. But, yanno, he’s not four anymore.
Kids these days, the products of parents who seem to live for their kids, are brats.
And marriages are failing at an alarming rate.
I see a correlation.
And I’d rather take my cue from parents like ours who raised loving, strong families without feeling the need to sacrifice their marriage for their kids.
Thanks for your pennies! It’s nice to hear about others raised to think the same way and who didn’t and aren’t suffering for it.
i am not gonna get all philosophical or talk about good parenting skills.. or good marriages or anything like that..
i just wanted to tell you that i love the way you speak your mind and stand up for what you believe..
you go girl !!!
Thank you, morningstar :)
Being a good parent/stepparent begins with having a good relationship with your spouse/partner. It’s been proven time and time again. Taylor being who he is makes it easy for you to be who you are and that includes being a good parent.
When the kids have all grown and left home, it will be just us with our spouses. If we let that relationship fall by the wayside, all too quickly we will find ourselves lost and wondering what the hell we’re doing. From the beginning of time it’s been the way it is and there is nothing wrong with it. If my mother taught me nothing else about being a good parent, she made sure I understood the importance of putting my spouse first.
We don’t neglect our children. We know them. Knowing them means that we understand that their temper tantrum over something is less critical than getting our husbands out the door to work or paying the bills or a multitude of other things. When there is an actual need, we address them accordingly.
I see nothing wrong with your way of thinking Carrie Ann. Some people are the way the woman said. SOME women. Not most. And obviously not you.
Thank you. :)
I sure picked the perfect time to find your blog didn’t I?
I read both posts and I can see both points and oh lord, what can I say. I suppose it all depends on the individual, but, after reading quite a few of your archives I have to say you don’t strike me as a silly woman. At all. And I agree, I love the way you put your thoughts out there on the line and to hell with the world.
I try to think that way myself and am slooowly learning it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Anyhow, just my opinion I guess.
Have a great day!
bliss
xox
OK as the man in question here, I have a thing or two to say about the entire situation. First off is a resounding fuck you to anyone who presumes to judge my life, my family, or how I chose to handle the two. Secondly, I really mean the first statement fromt he bottom of my heart.
Beyond that, the dynamic of my houshold is one that very very few people seem to truly unerstand. In short I rule my home. Not just handing out rules and demands. I rule, just as any soverien rules his holdings I rule my home. I set the parameters for the type of life that is lived in my home. I take full responsibility for the quality of life in my home. I create a healthy environment both for my woman, and for her child who I treat as my own. Together she and I have raised him in such a way that he has the mental ability, the social skills and the common sense to make rational, intelligent decisions quite on his own. He is a capable, and competent young man. I take great pride in this as I had a hand in raising him thus far.
He understands the power dynamic between myself and his mother. He understands that our sexuality is a bit different from most folks. He has no knowledge of the gory details, but he fully understands the elements that are apropriate for his age. He knows what floggers are and what they are for. We don’t treat our play as though it should be hidden, as though it is a dirty embarassing secret. To him, it’s just how we are and it’s no big deal. This kid will have none of the bullshit hangups I see most kinksters having to deal with. Yes I say most because 99% of the lifestylers who have kids are fucking terrified of what their kids will think if they knew, of how much therapy they would need. So many folks involved with this lifestyle still feel it’s wrong way deep down inside of them, they can’t let go of their reservations. In truth they are ashamed of what they do. I’ll offer all of you this, once you are no longer ashamed of the things that make you happy, of the things that get you off, the things that make your life worth livin, you’ll find that other folks will have an easier time accepting you for the depraved sicko that you are.
Ok so what does all of this have to do with the topic at hand??
It’s simple. If our dynamic grew into something different, something that was inappropriate for the boy, if the environment we chose to live in became unhealthy for him, our relationship is worth enough to both of us to maintain it anyway, even if it meant he went to his dad. Why? Because he is old enough, informed enough, and socially skilled and equiped enough to make that decision for himself, or to at least understand the decision if we made it.
Further, as stated, in time he is going to leave our home anyway. He will mature, and grow and become a man in his own right. We will have given him a reality based view of life, with all of it’s quirks, twists, kinks and oddities.
Let’s take this a little deeper. Our relationship is truly and fully one with a power structure, there is a very clear cut dynamic. We have a very very strong D/s relationship. She belongs to me. In such a relationship, the very nature of it dictates that I come first. In all things.
Does this make her a bad mother? hell no. does it make her stupid? Hell no. (and for the record the whole, “I didn’t call you stupid I called people like you stupid” Is a load of bullshit. if you are going to sling insults like that at least own the fuckers when yer called on it. That statement is just as good as calling her stupid directly and you damn well know it).
What it makes her is succesful in her life, her relationship and her motherhood. How? Because she has built a relationship with me that allows her the freedom, that creats an environment in which she can give herself to her man that way, that she can put him and his happiness first and formost in her life, WITHOUT compromising even a fraction the health, happiness and well being of her son. Something a lot of you judgemental bitches couldn’t manage in six lifetimes.
Yes she can chose me over her son. The biggest reason for that is that she doesn’t have to. she has a real man, a good man. A man who would never harm that boy. A man who even if the time came that we wanted a dynamic that wasn’t healthy for a child of his age, the childs situation would be arranged to his best interests first.
Folks would do well to know a situation, to understand and have at leat a bit of a clue about it before going off on some self righteous bullshit bitch fest.
What it boils down to is that unwarranted scorn is a product of jealousy.
And antoher thing, she isn’t ever going to “choose kink over the kid”. But she will put her man first. And there is a big god damn difference. And if you can’t see that difference…maybe you shouldn’t sling the word stupid around so much. You know; pot, kettle, black…get the picture?
Yes she’ll chose the man that’s going to be with her for the rest of her life, over the child who isn’t. It’s as simple as that.
In fact there really isn’t that much “kink” in our relationship. What we do have is a damn strong power structure that keeps us all quite happy. We have moments just like any other family. But at the end of the day, she crawls into MY bed. She lives in MY world. And when that kid is grown and gone, she’ll still be crawlign into MY bed and living in MY world.