Lots of posts over on FetLife today about Ownership vs Mastery.
Personally I tend to use the words interchangeably. Sort of. I don’t use Master or slave in reference to me and Taylor but I do view the two dynamics (Owner/property and Master/slave) as being on the same level.
And before anyone gets in a twist I don’t mean "better than" someone who is D/s. I feel that I’m a submissive woman, owned by a dominant man. I don’t look at slave or property as being better than submissive. I don’t think someone who is unowned can be a slave or property. So they – slave and submissive – are also sort of the same for me. A slave is just a submissive who is owned. (And, yes, gods, I know there are folks who are slaves or property without being submissive. They obey and serve without submitting. I get it, I get it. Let’s not get too confusing here, though, okay? I’m sticking with the basics)
No better or worse. Just differences.
So. Moving on.
I’m a pragmatist. A realist. The terms Owner and property seem solid and definite to me. The terms Master and slave do not.
Master and slave are, to me, too often romanticized. Hearts and flowers and idealism.
You hear so often how a Master must be this and that and should do these things and those other things. Respect and honor and codes of ethics, guiding and teaching and molding and taking care of.
Bah. Idealism. Romanticism.
How many of those who call themselves Master are worthy of respect or behave honorably? How many actually capable of guiding and taking care of another adult human being?
Not all that many, in my experience.
We’re all just… human. Yanno? And trying to live up to some idealistic version of what a Master must be and do just sits wrong with me.
Same goes for slave. I don’t really need to be taken care of or guided or molded into some perfect ideal of slavery.
I’m me, I’m human. Taylor too. We’re just people. I don’t want to try to live up to someone else’s standards of what we should do or how we should be. And the terms Master and slave too often leave me feeling exactly like that.
I don’t want some romanticized relationship dynamic.
I love Taylor in many ways, including romantically. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about romanticizing, idealizing, sugar coating a normal human relationship between normal, faulty human beings into something I can’t find realistic.
And I know not everyone does this, this romanticizing. But it’s common enough, especially online, that I just can’t wrap my mind around myself as slave and Taylor as Master.
I’ll stick with O/p, with him being him and me being his. Real. Simple. Solid.
Cuz it really does come down to that, for me. Not ownership vs mastery but realism vs romanticism.
I recently got to review the Tentacle Jr for Eden Fantasys – another fucking awesome and fantasy inducing dildo from Whipspider Rubberworks. The review isn’t live yet but I wanted to share the pictures, at least. The Jr is similar to the original Tentacle only smaller, slimmer, with a less extreme hook to it, a [...]
6 comments to “Realism or Romanticism /Ownership or Mastery”
Like you, i feel owned, but i am not a slave. i am a submissive woman, and property of my Sir. i function perfectly well on my own, but i do like it when He takes charge. i have not, nor would not submit to just anyone. It took many years for me to trust Him enough to completely surrender. Really though, Master/slave, Owner/property, Dominant/submissive…they are just words to convey a very personal dynamic between people which is different in every relationship. No two are the same, nor are the dynamics the same. That, to me, is universal across all types of relationships…Familial, romantic, friendship, etc. Each one, like snowflakes, is unique and different, though the look the same when piled together. But, hell, that is just my opinion…and everyone has one of those as well.
This is all very interesting and I agree with you.
Now, post some more pictures of the puppy.
:D
*grins*
Hello, Carrie Ann:
I’ve been lurking here for a few months now, but I thought I’d come out of the shadows today and comment.
First off, great post. I’ve seen a lot of people, kinky and vanilla, romanticize their relationships in unrealistic ways. But I have noticed that Masters seem to be held to a certain infallible standard, and that bothers me. Personally, I like flaws and vulnerability in people and I don’t think I’d trust someone to be my “Master” if they didn’t admit to, and sometimes exhibit, those qualities. Call me weird.
Second, you and kaya are two of my favorite people to read. You’re both extremely articulate and intelligent, and there’s no bullshit with either of you. Realism indeed.
amen to that carrie=ann- love the lack of bullshit – and you are so RIGHT on … i agree with just about everything you say – and just another point – who the fuck WANTS a perfect person to be their partner – whatever the designation? I want a real person, warts and all.
I agree wholeheartedly. I do call my Owner “Master”, but I acknowledge that he is human and fallible and it is in his faults as well as his qualities that I find perfection and reality. I’m not sure that makes sense. Excellent post. :)
I agree wholeheartedly. Although I do call my Owner “Master”, I also acknowledge that he is human and fallible. It is in his faults as well as his qualities that I find his perfection. Not sure that made sense.
Excellent post. :)