Rejuvination
It’s odd.
Taylor and I are together almost 24/7 in the winter. Work is dependant upon the weather and, while the hours are long and hard when there is work, there’s not a whole lot of work.
So not only are we in each other’s laps day in and day out but we’re usually even more broke than normal in the winter. And bored. And cranky.
Cuz… well… who wouldn’t be?
I get especially twitchy because I so deperately need “alone time”. It’s just how I’m wired. If I don’t have time to myself on a pretty regular basis even the dogs make me crazy. Like they (and everyone else) are sucking the energy right out of the air and suffocating me.
Well, lately I’ve had some days to myself that were utterly unsatisfactory. I was sick. Or it wasn’t long enough. Or the phone rang too much. Or… whatever. They just weren’t good days.
I’ve been snapping the fuck out on anyone and everyone who crosses my path. Snarling and bitching and being, basically, a stupid shit.
Today, Taylor went to the garage to work on the bike and the kid is out playing and…
Oh my gods I’ve had a good day!
It’s sort of nice out here so I had the windows open a bit and the fresh air was a miracle drug.
I had new toys to play with so the masturbation was fucking fab.
I put the crazy dogs in their kennels and didn’t let myself feel guilty about it.
I did a video review. I cleaned a little. I ate crappy, boxed chicken noodle soup and didn’t feel shitty cuz it was only me that had to eat it. (And, honestly, I like the nasty stuff. Lol)
I’m really hoping this good mood and feeling of relaxation and rejuvination sticks with me cuz I KNOW Taylor is about to lop my fucking head off for the attitude I’ve had lately.
Poor. Let me tell you. Very, very poor. I keep expecting him to say “fuck this, you’re crazy, I’m outtie”.
Today has left me feeling like… gee… maybe I can actually behave the way I’m supposed to? I mean… gladly and without biting my tongue off or leaving him feeling like he has to force every little thing out of me.
It feels good.
And… it’s good to feel good.
Now if only I could get a reddened ass and some hot, crazy sex later! (I’m doubtful since he’ll likely be tired as hell by the time he gets home. Meh. Oh well. Can’t have everything!)
I know what you mean. I don’t need the alone time per say, but somtimes I need something (it tends to change) in order for me to snap out of a mood or a funk. And once I get it I’m all like “Yay! I’m the happiest slave girl ever!”.. but it makes me wonder, why did it take THAT (whatever it might be at the time) for me to be .. oh I don’t know.. content I guess? Why was I fighting it before? Gah. I make no sense sometimes. *laughs*
I feel your pain! I’m very particular about my me-time, and anyone who fucks with it is dead meat. I feel bad later for snapping at them, but it’s hard-wired…I can’t help it.
Oh my gods, yes. That’s exactly it. I don’t mean to do it, I try to control it, and I feel bad for doing it but it’s just so much a part of my freakin’ DNA or something that it happens every time I have to go a month or more without time for “me”.
And I don’t mean spa time or any of that crazy, fancy shit. Just time when it’s quiet around me and I can have some solitude.