Every time I know we’re going to a play party I get in this mild sort of panic all day.
I’m not certain panic is the right word.
I get nervous and apprehensive and excited. I start to wonder – and want to know - what Taylor has planned, what he’s going to do to me.
Often I’ll ask but I’ve basically learned not to. Not because it angers him or gets me in trouble or makes it worse or anything like you’d expect. No. It’s because he never fucking knows.
He doesn’t plan out scenes. He doesn’t think about it for days and set up any definites in his head. He just does what he feels like he wants to do when the time comes.
And, oh my gods, it’s aggravating at times.
Then again, it’s probably for the best.
If I’ve learned on thing in my years of doing this stuff it’s that expectations will be the ruin of just about everything. And planning and knowing lead, for me, to expectations of how things will go, how they’ll feel, how I’ll react. And those expectations never fail to be smashed to dust, leaving me disappointed.
Which is stupid but it’s fact. I do much, much better when I don’t have time to work everything up to this weird standard of perfection neither of us can actually live up to. I do much better when whatever happens is a surprise, when it is what it is and I haven’t somehow warped it in my mind.
I know this and yet, at the same time, I’m sitting here all atwitter because I don’t know what’s going to happen and it’s making me nuts!
Just goes to show that knowing yourself, knowing your partner, knowing your own psyche…
It just doesn’t mean shit when you’re looking at some sort of ass beating and you don’t know what sort it will be.
There will, however, be a clip at the end of it. :) At both places.
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I drink a lot of coffee, ride a motorcycle, have an 18 year old son and a decade long relationship that began in a chat room.
Hi carrie,
I totally understand how you feel. I feel the same way before going to a play party or bdsm event. I have learned that having too many expectations leads to disappointment so I try hard to not have many when it comes to the night of fun. I agree that it’s often when you’ve had fun surprises and didn’t expect it to happen. :)
Have a fun weekend!
Hugs,
padme
padme amidala’s last blog post..TGIF!! Sunny spring days are the best!
I agree. I rarely know what Master will do to me. He speaks of horrid things to get me going and more then half the time He delivers. I have learned also not to ask, for it gets His deviousness going even more. Had He told me I was to be His pain slut example.. I would have been thinking how to escape. So better not to know. :)
You know it’s funny Sir is exactly the same way.. He NEVER plans out a scene… be it at home or for a play party.. it just happens.. and yeah it drives me nuts too… such is life eh??
hope you had a ball !!!
morningstar’s last blog post..The night Sir cooked!
I want to know where all these ‘perfect doms’ are who spend weeks planning their evil little deeds and have a script for each scene that is 15 pages long! Where are these guys??
My domly one’s planning rarely goes past how many bottles of water we’re going to take to a party…
P.S I love the little widgetty thing that puts a link to the commenter’s last blog post! It’s uber cool…
subtle’s last blog post..And these are the days of kitten’s lives
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has an evil, non-planning Boss type dude!
Isn’t it, though? I was browsing wp plugins and new I needed to have it as soon as I saw it.
I mean, linkage for my commenters (commentors?). How cool is that?
Commenters? Commentors?
When I was writing this I think I was tossing up between the two. Looking now, I’d definitely go for commentors.
And if I wasn’t as lazy as hell, I’d check, but meh…why stop doing what I’m soooo good at doing? :)
subtle’s last blog post..In the driver’s seat
Dear Carrie,
This is Vivian over at The Disciplined Feminist blog.
I wanted to email you, but didn’t see an email address listed, so please forgive me for posting this to comments. Didn’t know how else to reach you!
I wanted to let you know that Variant Books is publishing the first-ever Disciplined Feminist spanking/DD book, called “How to Get the Spanking You Want: The Complete Guide to Asking for It, Getting It and Making It Better.”
It’s written for anyone who wants their partner to spank them but doesn’t quite know how to ask, or anyone who’s currently getting spanked but would like to make it better.
So that as many women (and men!) have access to this information as possible, I’m reaching to other women in the community to help spread the information.
You can get more info at http://www.HowToGetASpanking.com.
If you’re interested in reviewing the book for your site, please let me know!
Apologies again for posting this to comments!
Warmest,
Viv
http://www.TheDisciplinedFeminist.com