I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that someone’s advise and knowledge of 24/7 D/s relationships was just as valid as mine when the only D/s relationship these people had ever had were online ones. So, okay, everyone’s opinion is valid in that we’re all entitled to one but how in the hell can you compare interactions on a keyboard with waking, living, working, loving, eating, breathing and sleeping with someone day in and day out?

I’ve been told, recently, that my real time experience is not enough to classify me as more knowledgeable about BDSM than someone who has experienced only message boards, chat rooms and email interactions, as well as web sites and personal adds via places like bondage.com, alt and myspace. I imagine some of those people could have studied enough literature to make themselves fairly knowledgeable but chances are most of them are spouting bullshit they’ve gotten off some other online players touching, soft music playing, BDSM gif laden website. Or information they’ve gotten from the websites of those who DO have real time experience.

Am I biased? Am I prejudiced against those without real time experience? Do I look down upon them? Yes, yes and sometimes yes.

There is NO substitute for real time experience. And those who try to tell me that online interactions are equal to true life are full of crap.

Are online relationships valid? Sure. Do they qualify you to speak on real time issues? Hell fucking no.

If you were going into a impromptu football game would you want advice from an ex pro or from someone who’s mastered Madden 2004? If you were doing a study on Civil War re-enactment would you want to talk to those who actually do just that or to someone who roleplays it online? If you were having pain in your kidneys would you want to talk to a doctor or to someone who’d read some websites on medicine? If you were going to put yourself under a whip would you want it to be an experienced hand wielding that whip or the hand of Master Chat-a-lot?

I understand that for many people online interactions are all they can have. I get that. I really do. And I think it’s just fine.

I also understand that those who can’t do this for real feel threatened when those of us who do start to talk. They feel their online relationships are being invalidated or looked at as unimportant and meaningless.

For me, this isn’t true. I really do understand the meaning one can place on online relationships. I understand the deep emotion that can come from them.

But, by god, don’t try to tell me that pixels are EQUAL to my LIFE.

They are not. They never will be. And you can call me any name you can think of for feeling that way but I do.

Online relationships and interactions are not and will never be enough to qualify you as equal to my level of experience, knowledge and understanding of this lifestyle.

Period.

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