I think, because of the relationship dynamic I’ve chosen and the crazy, fucked up things I enjoy, I often have an odd outlook on life in general. Not odd as in wrong, just a bit different. Skewed slightly. Bent. Not normal.
I mean, I get happy when he slaps my face, find contentment in a dry ass fuck, thrive with the right balance of love mixed with outrageous emotional pain. I cede all my choices and decisions to him, even though he mostly lets me make them myself anyhow. Being told what to do — and doing it — is normal for me, feels right to me.
I came to the place where all this works for me by doing a lot of soul searching and introspection, by trial and error and, in the end, by making a conscious and deliberate choice.
And so I see life as a series of choices. I see myself as responsible, at least partially, for everything that has happened in my life since I was, oh, I don’t know, 14. Even this choicelessness I live now is/was a choice.
So I don’t get it, at all, when people act as though they are blameless in something that happens to them.
We are never blameless. There is always a small percentage that is our… hmm… fault is a bad word. Our choice. Just like in any car accident there is always a small percentage that is your fault just for being behind the wheel. Insurance companies figure… what? That you chose to get behind the wheel and risk accident so at least some small portion is your responsibility, due to your choices. So now they can raise your rates.
Or whatever.
Point is, it’s like that with everything. There is generally always at least a small part of any situation that we need to take responsibility for. Always.
Even if it’s just taking responsibility for making better choices or being better educated about things before we get involved with them.
Like, for example, you get involved with some dude from KinkyOkCupid.com. (there isn’t really any such place, is there?) You talk online for a few weeks and decide to meet up. While you were talking online, you both mentioned you like knife play. When you meet up, he ties you down and makes you come until you’re dizzy with it, spanks your sassy ass and then pulls out a knife and… cuts you.
HOLY SHIT! Your idea of knife play is some sensual play of dull side along your breasts and maybe a bit of fear when you *think* he has a knife but it’s really a fork instead but you don’t know it cuz you’re blindfolded. His idea of knife play is artistic cuts, drawing blood and scaring the snot out of you until you’re pleading and crying. (mmm. now i went and made myself horny)
So you freak out and get the hell out of there and tell all your friends from KinkyOkCupid.com that he’s a jerk and an abuser and a psycho.
Cuz, ZOMG! Gods forbid you take responsibility for not having CLARIFIED what knife play was and set down some limits for your first play session. It’s not your fault! He’s obviously unhinged! He did something wrong and that means you’re blameless!
Gah.
This is turning into much more of a rant than it was supposed to. It started out as introspection and pondering and talking to myself, really. I just get irked so easily when it comes to this sort of stuff and the world in general not taking responsibility for it’s own actions.
If you walk into a lake, you’re going to get wet. You can’t curse mother nature for putting the lake there.
There are bad people in the world. You can’t have bad things happen and be like “zomg, I had no IDEA there were people like that!”. Even the fucking Beav knew not to take candy from strangers.
This was all inspired by a post on frat party date rape, btw, in case y’all aren’t in that loop. (And I know some of my readers aren’t) Despite what inspired it, though, it’s the whole topic of choice and personal responsibility that has me pondering and shaking my head.
Man, I hope I’m raising That Teen to “get it”. If there is one thing he gets from me, I hope that’s it.
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7 comments to “Wait. What? Total wrong turn in Albuquerque”
Yeah, speaking of kids, weirdly enough, I just sat in the car with my daughter and ran through a PG-13 rated explanation of my blog post (mentioned above). And, while its a conversation I really never wanted to have with her, even at 12, she gets that she needs to look out for herself and make wise choices to keep herself safe.
I wish with all my heart she would get to live in a world where bad people didn’t exist, but since she doesn’t, I’m going to make sure she’s smart enough to protect herself as best she can.
And if anyone ever does touch her, well I will just introduce them to my idea of knife play. >:)
Laurel´s last blog ..Forgive the mess, we are remodeling
‘zactly!
Omgosh I so agree! With your first example, I don’t understand how people can believe that poor communication (or total disregard to the importance of communication) could ever mean that they are cleared of any fault when something goes off the expected course. I mean seriously? If there’s no communication to clarify, what exactly do they think the odds are that everything will go exactly as imagined? Because the reality is slim to none. People are people, not mind readers.
I’m not in the loop with the article to which you’re referring, but I completely agree on that front too. If you aren’t cautious, and don’t approach a situation realisticly, all bets are off. Anything that happens, though it might be dangerous, though it might have bad consequences, though other individuals might be involved or even hold blame, you have initiated the problem all on your own. At that point, it’s pretty much tough cookies, not everybody else’s fault.
Purple-Foxglove´s last blog ..Holiday Top 5
Hi, I’m the Administrator for the Group StupidKinkyPeople on KinkyOkCupid.com.
I keep trying to grow our group but members seem to rather randomly and unexpectedly disappear.
Perhaps you could recommend some fodder friends for our group it would be most appreciated.
*snicker*
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Goddess! i hear ya! My 9 year old takes far more responsibility then my 13 year old. Its painful.