photography by marc blackie

Headspace.  Remembering your place. Blah blah blah.  Yet another topic I’ve grown weary of.  (So, yes, I talk about it more.  How much sense does that make?)

I think I used to put a lot of importance on the little things, the direct dominance type stuff that would put me in the proper headspace to do what I’m supposed to do.  You know.  Obey.  Serve.  Submit.

Now?  Not so much.

Sure, I still love that thoroughly dominated feeling and certain actions on his part will improve my mood and make my obedience, service and submission more pleasant and pretty.  But, for the most part?  Meh.  That shit is just not all that sustainable on a day to day basis.  It smacks, totally, of “I’ll do this so she does that” and, honestly, after 8 years?  It shouldn’t be that much damned work on either of our parts.  After 8 years it should be ingrained, don’t you think?

He says “put on the black dress” and I put on the black dress.

He says “get me some kool aid” and I get him some kool aid.

He says “the boy is grounded” and I nod and reinforce the grounding.

I may not want to wear the black dress and I may whine about it but I obey.  I may not want to get the kool aid cuz I’m in the middle of something else but I get up and get the shit, even if I stomp a bit and make a point of telling him, Dude, I’m working here.  I still serve.

And sometimes grounding the boy isn’t what I’d have chosen to do but I still submit and go along with his choice and, if, sometimes, it involves an hour long discussion on why I’d have chosen to do something different it’s still me, submitting to his decision and will.

And…  yeah…  had he chained me to the bed or dragged me thru the house that day by my hair I might have done less whining, stomping and discussing.  Without a doubt certain things provoke a better response in me.

But the basics?

I don’t get having to be reminded that I’m property.  Nearly every second of my life I’m reminded by life itself.  Do other people actually…  like…  forget?

I don’t get him having to do certain things to keep MY mind focused on the role I promised to fulfill.  (Unless, of course, that’s his thing.  And that’s all good. No problem with that.)  I see posts pertaining to this topic and I just sort of blink a lot, trying to understand.

Maybe I take things too literally and the question really means “how do you maintain that perfectly behaved, slavey, gracious, sweet and happy demeanor at all times”.  In which case, fuck, I wanna know, too.

Cuz I don’t.

And he’d likely lob off my headspace if I suggested he needed to work on keeping me in that headspace every day, all day.

And I’d go batty, myself, trying to do it.  Its just not real enough, to me.  I’m gritty and realistic and logical and blunt and have more facets than most precious gems so maintaining one certain headspace and attitude would drive me straight into a straitjacket and a padded room.

Which, yanno, would be fun if I was coherent enough to enjoy it and not blowing spit bubbles in the corner.