Taylor and I have done a lot of talking about this subject and, unbelievably, we STILL have problems with it.
I’m the type to just blurt out what I’m feeling, often forgetting it sounds like blame or judgement on someone else. In my relationship I pretty much expect my Dude to KNOW me well enough, though, to know what I’m talking about and what I mean.
Doesn’t always work that way, though. Cuz men, no matter how blunt they may be too, just don’t hear the words we say sometimes. They grab onto that perceived judgement and blame and run with it, feeling either guilty or pissed off or whatever.

Makes it pretty hard sometimes.

Communication is SO important – and yet very few of us know how to do it well.

I truly feel like Taylor and I communicate well. I can say just about anything to him and he to me. We have a few touchy subjects but we’re learning how to deal with those, too.

Learning to understand how he hears what I say is a key part of that.
I’m getting better… sometimes.
But, boy, did I flub today.

Trust is the key issue.
Or, should I say, feeling trusted.
I say “I feel all neglected and shit, unimportant… and I get irritated and hurt when you pay more attention to other people than you have been to me”.
And he hears “You’re talking too much to so and so and I think you wanna fuck her and now I’m pissed and don’t trust you and yer probably gonna do it”.

Way crazy, right?
But it’s a fact of life sometimes.
(Okay, I never noticed it with anyone else but I’ve never had this good a relationship before, a relationship where we talk so much – and I HAVE had confirmation from a few other men since being told of this phenomenon)

So you have to pussyfoot around sometimes, put what you mean in different words or a different context. It’s not always easy when you’re a straightforward type girl like me.

Seems a lot of men think women say one thing but mean another and it’s very hard to change a lifetime of experience and opinion – but, dang it, I’m not LIKE that.. Lol. I say what I mean, exactly what I mean, and try never to imply or allude to anything but the exact facts or feelings I’m discussing.

*sigh*

Now, I’ll admit I often say things that are out of line because I’m so blunt. And I often let my own feelings get out of control and actually SAY accusatory things. And that doesn’t do much to help when I haven’t but he perceives that I have.

I need to work on that.
Communication would be a lot easier if I could learn just a wee bit of self control in expressing myself. Sometimes it really IS better to say nothing or to wait for the right time or to slow down and analyze before blurting something out.

At least I still have something to learn at my age. :)

“People think this exploration of self is self-centered and selfish, but I notice that whenever I clear up something for myself it quickly affects everyone around me, as if it were a psychic liberation which in turn affects others’ conflicts” ~Anais Nin (of course)