You? Do not get to redefine equality.
I was reading something earlier this week and some words jumped out at me, jumped out and made me say, “yes. fuck yes!” Jumped out and made me come back to them later. Jumped out and made me come back even later and copy them down, stick them to my desktop on a little post it note.
“…men, taken as they ARE, (meaning realizing they don’t think, act or behave like women and appreciating that difference) were all but forgotten [in feminism] and for that I can’t reconcile it.”
I apologize for not attributing the author but, in this instance, it doesn’t really matter who wrote it and I really don’t want them coming under attack for their sentiments, so let’s focus on the words not the who.
This idea – and the fact that it is so violently opposed – is exactly why I’ve been chafing over so much I read online lately, particularly in the sex blogging scene.
Men and women are different.
They look differently. They think differently. They smell differently. They move differently. They react differently. They express emotions differently. They kiss differently, fuck differently.
Men and women are different.
I do not, can not, understand why the trend is to expect men to behave only in ways that are “acceptable” rather than embracing the wonderful differences between the sexes.
When a male oriented site talks about “women” they get bashed for lumping all women together, for expecting women to behave a certain way, for stereotyping.
When men try to tell women how they should act, dress, behave, have sex… whatever… they are displaying their sense of entitlement, condoning the societal rules handed down by “the man”, “the patriarchy”.
And yet…
It is okay, somehow, for women to tell men what they should feel, how they should act, how the should react, how they should behave, dress, talk, look, fuck, whatever.
Fact is, it’s not.
Fact is, we’re different.
And while I am all for choice and equality, including the choice to live in an unequal relationship dynamic, I am utterly against the way most perceive this.
Equality means EQUAL – not that you get to turn the tables and direct men as to how they should be.
Men are men. I like men. I like the inherent differences between men and women. I enjoy the way men think and talk and smell and kiss and act and react. I enjoy men.
Let’s start remembering it’s about being equal, not the same. Choice, not force.
You get to choose the people you associate with. You do not get to choose how everyone should BE.
It will come as no surprise that I couldn’t agree more. I like men because they are different and really, I don’t want them to be more sensitive and less hairy and … whatever. I like women for being women and men for being men and think everybody should try a little harder to “be the change” rather than “force the change.”
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I really haven’t seen many feminists trying to argue that there are not differences between men and women. That would be silly. There are differences but feminism tends to take a look at whether those different are always legit. Of course, some differences are only social constructs of gender but society has also reacted to the natural strengths and weaknesses of either gender. I think it’s interesting when people challenge those constructs because some of the differences we have come to accept as natural may not be healthy. That isn’t to say that some of the natural differences between men and women are wrong, either. But just because something is natural doesn’t make it awesome. Man or woman, we could all use a little improvement. I think that to be an extremist on either side (omg there are differences and you can never challenge them/omg there are no differences at all) is to be pretty closed minded.
Some where along the way, a lot of men lost sight of manhood. Lost sight of the strength men have. They gave up that strength, gave up that manhood and became…well boyfriends. When I was 16, I was a boyfriend. I’m now a grown ass man. I am no body’s boyfriend. I’ll be her man. But I won’t be her boyfriend.
A boyfriend is often afraid of losing his girlfriend. Afraid of “making her mad”. I remember clearly all the silly arguments of teenage love. All the “I’m mad at you because you don’t know why i’m mad at you” fights. The constant confusion of wondering just what the hell does she want from me? What is it going to take to get her to put out?
At that age, you are a boy, so it’s ok to be a boyfriend. But a grown woman, a real woman doesn’t fucking want a pandering boyfriend anymore. She needs a man.
Some where along the way…men got the idea that they had to be boyfriends again in order for women to want them, to love them, to put out for them. I’m not sure how it happened…but holy shit we sure got a lot of 30 something boys out there.
We have a world full of grown ass men who feel just like they did in high school. Confused, trying to handle women like temperamental teenage girls. Being all delicate and shit. And then wonder why women don’t respect them anymore.
Along with that you have a “rape-culture”. What a bullshit concept. People who pull statistics out of the air. Statistics that would have one thinking that everyone with a penis is a rapist. You have women crying rape and sexual assault every time you turn around.
Women want and need a strong man. A man with drive, purpose. A man with passion, who goes for what he wants. But then they’ll turn around and try to cut his fucking nuts off for trying to get what he wants.
Women need to stop trying to mold and change men, and simply let us be men. I mean seriously…what the hell does a woman know about being a man? No more than a man knows about being a woman.
WRONG! Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Right now.